short stories

I'll be out of town until Sunday.

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:32:46 CDT

Good morning! I won't have Internet access for a few days. Next blog entry will be Monday, August 2nd.

Meanwhile, I want to leave you with a Scripture to meditate on. "For I will restore health to you, and I will heal your wounds," says the Lord. (Jer. 30:17)

Blessings, I continue to pray for you and hope for you. If you're not in a place where you believe, just believe that I believe for now.

Back on Monday!

God Holds Us When We're Restless

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 19:14:02 CDT

My mom's dog, Bear, has mysteriously fallen ill. The doctors don't know the cause, so they don't know how to treat him. He's in emergency care as his throat continues to swell. We're major dog lovers, it's heartbreaking to watch.

Last night was a long night. I couldn't stop thinking about Bear, the writer's conference I'll be attending this Thursday through Sunday that I don't feel prepared for, how many times I snapped at my husband earlier in the day, you, me, and why I refuse to drink more water even as my face continues to break out (at the age of forty-two).

In my restlessness, I found myself wondering at 3:00 AM if God was thinking of me, you, and even Bear. I got out of bed and shuffled into my office where I had left my Bible. I opend it to Psalm 140:17-18:

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more than the sand; When I awake, I am still with You."

What a comfort to be reminded that God is always thinking of me and you and sick pets. He sees us, He's thinking of us. He knows how we feel and cares how we feel. God feels for us.

I want answers, but for the moment there are none; none that I can see. As far as God has brought me over the years, I still have nights when I'm restless. Still have moments when it's hard to detach from the outcome. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's just part of the journey.

If you've ever rocked a restless baby, you know what I'm talking about. Some nights the baby drifts off to sleep and others he/she fusses all night. It's just life.

Bless you, sweet friend. If you've been restless, you can rest assured that you are being tenderly gazed upon. God is thinking of you.

A wise woman once said . . .

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 21:03:00 CDT

My first spiritual mentor was a woman named Suzanne. She had a knack for redirecting me when I was sure that life doesn't get better for people with problems like mine. No matter how I looked at it, my life was dysfunctional from every angle. I tried to do the "next right thing" and seek the will of God to the best of my ability. I tried, but my life didnt' improve much in the beginning.

I remember getting angry with God. Didn't He see how hard I was trying? Didn't He care that I was a single mother with a baby who DID NOT SLEEP? I actually served my twelve and nine-year-old sons coffee before school. None of us were sleeping.

When I called Suzanne to tell her I was mad at God, she always replied, "It's okay to be mad at God. He's big and He can take it. Are you willing to believe He will bring you further than your current circumstances?"

"I guess so. I mean, yes." Later I would pray:

"Thank you God for directing my steps. I believe You are leading me out of my current circumstances with each step. Bless my steps."

It was a slow process but looking back I can see that each time I allowed God to change my heart, that change was reflected in my everyday life. Ten years later, that's still the way it works for me.

Psalms 119: 105 is precious to me. "The Lord is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

It reminds me that change starts with me, the very place I stand and expands to my future.

Where do you stand today? If you're in a tough circumstance, are you willing to believe God will bring you further? If yes, will you pray that prayer? If you're not. It's okay. God is big and He can handle whatever you need to say to Him. He always blesses an honest heart.

I would love to hear from you. If you want to ask me a question, but remain anonymous, just go to the contact page. You can skip the information box.

Next blog will post tonight

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 14:38:14 CDT

Hi everyone! I just got home (still have the day job). I'm heading upstairs with a bowl of popcorn, two dogs, and my elven-year-old son to watch Alice and Wonderland for the fifth time.

Should have a new blog for you after dinner tonight. Meanwhile, if you forgot this morning, it's never too late to ask God to direct your steps for the day. Just today. One day at a time, right? Take a deep breath and whisper, "One day at at time."

Bless you.

Do You Ever Wonder WHY?

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 10:18:45 CDT

It's not unusual if you've been abused to wonder WHY God allows things like this to go on. It's a tough question. Today I'm going to share the answer that ministered to me after years of sexual abuse.

Own Your Feelings, or Your Feelings Will Own You

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 10:03:05 CDT

Hi ladies! On my way home from work the other day, I thanked God for all that He's done in my heart and realized that regardless of the circumstances that wound me, when I go to Him with an honest heart, tell Him how I really feel (no matter the intensity of the emotion), and then spend some quiet time with Him; healing always comes. Always. Sometimes quickly, other times slowly. But always and with freedom.

Isaiah 61: 1 tells us that Christ came to bind up the broken-hearted and set captives free. He cares about your today.

When I began confessing how I felt about a past betrayal, Christ comforted me. And in the midst of comforting me, I became aware of my destructive reactions to the betrayal. I didn't like what I saw. Yes, it was only natural for righteous anger to follow the betrayal, but my anger was not confessed and quickly turned into something unrighteous: I expressed my pain by screaming at my children, who did nothing to hurt me. Make sense?

When I came clean (got honest with) God. He cleansed me. That's when healing really began, and my feet were firmly placed on the road to freedom. Freedom from feelings that were expressed at all the wrong times, with all the wrong people, in all the wrong places.

Take some time today and ask yourself: How do I really feel about [fill in the blank], and do those feelings own me? If yes, consider telling God. He knows anyway. He's waiting to heal you, beautiful you. But He will wait for an invitation--the idea of that is healing in and of itself. Christ will never bully you.

A little dose of encouragement for the day

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:51:45 CDT

"Promise me you'll always remember:

You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think."

said Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh

Ask God who you were created to be, then let Him show you. You won't get the answer over night. It will unfold in spite of your circumstances and when it is all said and done, whether or not the people around you ever become who they are created to be, you will be beautiful, free, healed, you. God is able to do more than we can ask for or imagine. Never stop hoping for yourself or the ones you love. Never. Place your hope in Christ, seek Him with all your heart, do what He leads you to do, and detach from outcomes.

Bless you.

Something to Hold On To as You Heal

Sat, 10 Jul 2010 16:25:01 CDT

Over twenty years had past since I read the Bible. At age fourteen, on the heels of multiple years of sexual abuse, I left my church more wounded than I was when I first arrived. I was done being a Christian.

Twenty-three years later, a few hours prior to my first session of group therapy for my horrible past, I noticed a Bible sitting on the table next to me. I stared at it for several minutes before succumbing to the power of its own silent gaze and picked it up. I surveyed the leather cover and ran my fingers over the thin, fragile pages and allowed them to fall open to the book of Isaiah.

"The sun will no longer be your light by day,
Nor for brightness shall the moon
give light to you;
But the Lord will be to you an
everlasting light,
And your God your glory.

Your sun shall no longer go down,
Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;
For the Lord will be your everlasting light,
And the days of your mourning shall be ended.

Also, your people shall all be righteous;
They shall inherit the land forever,
The branch of My planting,
The work of My hands,
That I may be glorified.

A little one shall become a thousand,
And a small one a strong nation.

I, the Lord, will hasten it in its time."

Isaiah 60: 19-22

I held on to that Scripture as if my life depended on it. And truthfully, there were days when it did. Healing took time. More time than I wanted it to, but my days of sorrow did come to an end. Yours will too.

I pray for you. I don't know your names, but God does. Do you have a Scripture to hold on to come hell or high water? If not, this one is ideal for women seeking freedom.

Video clips are up!

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:19:18 CDT

Hi Ladies!

Today I added a video clip page, you'll find the new link in the red box. Topics include:

forgiveness
why healing takes time
marriage after abuse and addiction
inviting God into your pain
childhood secrets

I hope they encourage you and get you thinking, hoping, praying, and believing that all things are possible through Christ!

Blessings, women of faith!

The Benefit of a Personal Care Card

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 10:48:18 CDT

It's July and I'm "spring" cleaning. I came across the "2003 personal care card" I made in group therapy for survivors of sexual abuse. Here's what it included:

Overall Statement:

Believe more deeply
Hold your face up to the light
Even though for the moment you do not see it

Affirmation:

I will rest in the unseen arms of my higher power (Today I would say Savior. Higher power is just where I was at the time)
I search to find meaning in even my deepest pain
I have the courage to compassionately detach from others when necessary
I give myself credit for what I am doing to heal
I know what I feel (this was big for me because I was usually numb)

Supportive friends:

I had three phone numbers I could call during an emotional crisis.

Comfort I can give myself:

sleep with a stuffed animal (I had a stuffed monkey named George that I slept with as a child. I still have him and when the memories got overwhelming, I took him off the shelf and slept with him. My precious husband would bring him to me if I forgot.)
take a bubble bath
buy a box of crayons and color
paint
journal
garden
exercise

*My counselor encouraged us to keep our cards with us at all times. It may sound weird, but it helped. It got me focused when I felt like the world was caving in on me.

Somehow I went from keeping that card with me at all times to not realizing it was tucked away in an old journal. It's been years since I thought about it. We can and do heal (repeat three times out loud).

"Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He [she] who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing bringing his [her] sheaths with him [her]." Psalm 126: 5-6

It's a promise. Cry, it's only right to, but keep moving forward. You're doing great. Keep one hand in God's and reach out to encourage someone else when you can (bear seed for sowing) and your harvest will come. God is faithful. Bless you today, sweet daughters of the Most High.

Will you make yourself a personal care card today?

First Things First

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 11:12:16 CDT

Ten years ago, when my life was a 9-1-1 call, a beloved spiritual mentor gave me five daily goals:

1. Show up for life.

2. Seek God with all your heart, mind, and strength.

3. Tell the truth.

4. Be of service.

5. Detach from the outcome.

In my previous blog, I confessed that I allowed myself to get overwhelmed by life and should take better care of myself. But it's just life: within the last two weeks, the dryer quit drying, the refrigerator quit cooling, I had a fender bender in my new car, the dog had to go to the vet, and three rooms in our house lost electricity.

Okay, those aren't fun things to deal with, but I'm humbled by God's reminder of when:

I didn't own a dryer and had to dry my panties in the oven on a cookie sheet (really).
I referred to my truck as a "reservation special", which is what we Indians call transportation that's on its last leg.
I couldn't afford a pet.
The temperature inside the house I rented as a single mother never dropped below 85 during the summer months.

I am not experiencing one crisis after another. I am experiencing life. And even with the not-so-fun things I have to take care of, it's a good life--a blessed life. So it's back to basics. "Thank you, God, for your perfect provision."

How about you? Are you overwhelmed by life stuff? Make time today to get still before the Lord. Let Him love you. I know from personal experience, things have a way of working out for those who love the Lord. If you're in a crisis, take a deep breath, ask God to direct your steps, and ask yourself: "Am I willing to believe that God will bring me further than my current circumstances?"

I remember when I responded with an affirming, "Yes," several times a day.

Psalm 119: 105 "The Lord is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 14:15:54 CDT

Hi ladies! I am going to make a concerted effort to blog more frequently, even if it at times it's for a quick hello. I'm trying to balance the day job, school being out, a book proposal, and blogging. I'm not in the zone yet.

Yesterday I looked in the mirror and thought to myself: If you would get back to the gym and drink more water, you'd feel better. I suspect that all writers and women in their forties eventually think these things. I'm usually healthy, but somehow coffee became breakfast and lunch--a handful of chips with a soda. Please, somebody out there tell me you can relate!

What has taken me a bit off guard is that these are the reactions I once had when my life was dysfunctional. Today, I have a healthy home-life, but even good things can bring pressure. It's important to take consistent care of yourself regardless of what's going on.

Today I will drink eight glasses of water, move and play, eat something with protein, kiss my husband, hug my son, allow my two labs extra licks on my cheek, and try to be in snoozeville by 10:30 PM.

How about you? Are you taking care of yourself? Drinking enough water, moving and playing, eating healthy foods, and getting enough sleep? Do you remember the last time you kissed your husband?

Father's Day: God fathers the fatherless

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:23:55 CDT

Father's Day once invoked mixed emotions. As a teenager, I stood in the card isle at Hallmark and read a variety of cards written for Great Dads: sober, gentle, loving, protective, nurturing, participate-in-your-life dads. It was embarrassing to put them back as beloved sons and daughters wore reminiscent smiles and selected more than one. Often times I left the store empty-handed and instead opted to recite the phone-script written for children who aren't close to their fathers. It covers all of the basics: weather, work, and the whereabouts of siblings. Edit the opening line from "Hi Dad!" to "Happy Fahter's Day!"and you're all set.

I used to judge my dad for his weaknesses. It was easy to do before Christ rescued me and then lovingly brought me face to face with my own. He knew of the pain my children would one day endure. The divorce, the re-marriage to a man who was drug addicted.

He also knew of our redemption . . .

God Loves Me and You, and Animals, too!

Wed, 16 Jun 2010 10:06:17 CDT

There's a dangerously narrow, bumpy, and busy pathway that leads to my neighborhood. The city of Fort Worth refers to it as a road. I was driving on their "road" last Friday night when I noticed a puppy running alongside. Moments like this supercede my ability to react sensibly. Suddenly, I'm Wonder Woman, stopping traffic to save a life-- with little concern for the safety of my own.

I pull over. Where the heck are my hazard lights! With no time to waste, I leave my new car parked and running, to chase after the little dog. Just before I get to him, he starts across the street in the midst of on-coming traffic.

"I can't take it!" I cover my eyes. I can't watch an animal get hit by a car. One near miss is all I can stand. I run to the middle of the road, extend my right arm, and yell, "Stop!" My new-found friend makes it safely across the street.

I follow him to a fenced yard and watch as he tries to find a way back in. I call out, "Hello! Anyone? Hello! Anyone?" The owner finally appears and thanks me profusely for rescuing his puppy. "Good-bye rescued puppy!"

As I walk back to my abandoned car, a neighbor passes by and stops. "Wendy, is that you? Is everything OK?" "Yes, Brenda. I'm fine. I had to rescue a dog. I'm the idiot who left her car parked up the street."

My husband loves dogs, too, but marveled at the trembling and tears that accompanied my story. I have many. It's not unusual for me to call his cell fifteen minutes after I've left for work, with a request to report for duty. "I found him/her wondering the streets. I'm late for work! Feed the dog. Find the owner. Gotta go!"

The next day my husband came home and told me a story. "You won't believe this, but I just passed a crazy lady standing in the middle of the road with her hand up, yelling, 'Stop! Sorry, I'm saving a turtle! I'm a turtle lover!'" He then kissed his own crazy lady on the cheek and smiled.

"A righteous man cares for the needs of his animals" (Proverbs 12:10).

I love that God sees me and you, lost puppies, and even turtles. He cares. I know He cares because He lives in me, and I most certainly care.

Your desire to rescue, nuture, save a life, or simply make someone's day easier, is evidence of God's heart toward all He created. What are you passionate about? Will you concede that God is passionate about it too?

The Art of Confession Ushers the Miracle of Forgiveness

Tue, 08 Jun 2010 09:13:21 CDT

One of my favorite quotes is from the 2010 movie Alice and Wonderland. The Mad Hatter attempts to explain to Alice how she used to be:

"You're not the same as you were before. You were much more muchier. You've lost your muchness."

The more I think of that line, the more I believe it is the reason forgivness is often so difficult. We long to be the way we used to be before [fill in the blank].

Before the affair, I used to be much more . . . trusting. I remember well, the bondage of that thought; how it delayed healing and forgiveness for many years. I longed for a glimpse of myself before I fell apart--before my world fell apart. I was so preoccupied with reaching for what I used to be, that I neglected to reach for God in the reality of my today. I have since learned the hard way that we cannot overcome what we deny.

It was time to get real with God: Before the affair, I used to be trusting, sweet, kind, generous, loving, hopeful, etc. Now I'm too hurt and afraid to be anything but impatient, critical, stand-offish, lonley, angry, and confused. I can't find my smile.

Confession is an art form. The more specific we are, the more expansive and colorful our freedom will be. How about you? Can you recall a time when you were "much more muchier?"

Try it. Before [fill in the blank], I was much more [fill in the blank]. I promise that if you confess this to God, he will restore your beauty. He will defend your muchness and you my friend, will remember who you are, and smile again.

Functioning Through a Crisis: part 2

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 15:43:45 CDT

Elevate your feet everyday for twenty minutes. Trust me ladies. When I was a single mother raising a baby and two boys on my own, it helped me immensely. I routinely went home for lunch, put my feet up, asked God to help me get through the day, and breathed deeply. It always refreshed me and it combated leg pain from being on my feet while I work.

If you can't go home for lunch. Do it when you go to bed at night. Most importantly, make time everyday to be kind to yourself. God has not lost sight of you. You matter too.

How to Remain Functional in a Crisis: part 1

Fri, 28 May 2010 10:49:53 CDT

Steel Magnolias (1989) Memorable Quotes

Shelby. . . after securing a much needed job in a beauty parlor; following her husband's abandonment: "I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair."

I remember well, the vain attempts I once made to offset the collision of an emotional meltdown and my daily responsibilities. The year was 1999. My husband and I had separated due to his drug addiction, leaving me with two young boys and a six-month-old baby to raise.

My life was already a desperate haze of pain and confusion, but lack of sleep was about to kick my daily routine's butt. I held in my hand, a ticket for an expired auto inspection, and the thought of adding one more item to my to-do-list was more than I could bear. My friend, Meredith, who accompanied me to get the car inspected, shared one of her previous emotional meltdowns as I searched my appointment book for the time to have one of my own. Did I honesty believe I had control over the storm brewing in my heart?

A week later, I found myself on a week-long vacation that included bars around the patio, where smoking was permissible. (Day-timer be damned.) "Funny now... not then." I was in a mental institution.

This is what I learned from refusing to recognize my limits and prioritize who and what mattered most.

Trusting God with Our Darkest Hours

Tue, 18 May 2010 10:55:18 CDT

God, in His graciousness, is always seeking to bring light into dark places. Lately, He's been cleansing an area in my heart that has nothing to do with past sexual abuse. About three years ago, I got a very clear word from God to step out and be vulnerable before someone whom I love dearly, but for reasonable reasons, didn't fully trust. I was obedient, and initially all was well. Three months later, the roof caved in. And I was quite sure it had caved in on my head. Suffice to say, I was confused and a little... no, A LOT; angry with God.

Trust with my loved one was growing, but I'll be honest with you, my trust in the Lord regarding that area was not. Now, I love, love, love, the Lord. BUT, I didn't know how to reconcile His asking me to step out with how it affected me. I felt like the God of the universe had thrown me under the bus. (Don't worry, if comments like this were cause to be struck by lightening, I would have been reduced to a heap of ashes long ago.)

I couldn't stop thinking about how ripped off the whole incident made me feel. It was time to let it go, which means, it was time to get real with God.

This is what I learned after my thorough confession of distrust in Him.

Finding Your Smile in a Painful Past

Thu, 13 May 2010 20:59:31 CDT

Last night I watched some of the OLD Saturday Night Live skits performed by Gilda Radner. I have such fond memories of rollerskating with my best friend and then staying up late to watch the show when I was a kid. Rosanne Rosannadanna was one of my favorites. For years I had forgotten that. I had thrown that precious part of my childhood in the same box of denial I placed the sexual abuse in. When I finally opened the box, I was able to see that though there were many hurtful circumstances I wouldn't choose to hang on to, I did find some good things worth keeping.

If you're facing something painful from your past and need a break from the tears that often accompany such a process, try remembering the television shows that made you laugh and watch them on You Tube. Perhaps you had a hobby that made you feel good about yourself; painting, gardening, dancing, or listening to music.

I found a list of quotes by Gilda Radner. Here's the one I love best:

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."

--Gilda Radner
June 28, 1946-May 20, 1989

Thank you, Miss Gilda. You've been gone all these years and still you make me laugh and inspire me to live...not knowing all the answers.

Question: What made you laugh as a child? What made you cry?

Mother's Day

Tue, 11 May 2010 11:51:45 CDT

Last weekend was a bitter-sweet celebration for me. My youngest son, Zach, is being raised in godly confidence. No drama. Yes, my husband and I have disagreements, but we no longer wound our children with the ill-effects of our own childhoods.

Friday was filled with "boy fun." We took Zach and two of his friends to see Iron Man and then my husband, Michael, put the tent up in the backyard and they slept outside with our yellow lab. I fed them junk and strung lights from the trees. It was a good day.When I climbed into bed that night, I found myself a little sad that my two older sons didn't have moments like that when they were young. They were loved, no doubt about it. But I was a troubled soul. Their formative years were spent coping with our family dysfunction. (My temper and Michael's drug relapses.)

The good news is that God continues to redeem the past. Which saves (literally saves) me from a life of guilt over not providing them with a more emotionally secure environment as they grew. My oldest son is now twenty-two. He took me and my mother to IHOP for breakfast and had dinner with us that night. I'm so proud of who he is--thoughtful and hardworking.

His brother is nineteen. He's out on his own and finding his way. I know he'll get there. He called me on Sunday and is having dinner with us tonight. I continue to see God work in all of us. We're a family. And though I don't get a do-over with their childhoods, I do get to enjoy them as my adult children. I have the rest of my life to be there for them--to remain a steady source of encouragement and support.

Through Christ, all things are possible. Too many families give up on each other and go their separate ways. I'm so glad we didn't. Love never fails.

How about you? Any parenting regrets? Please consider confessing them to Christ and asking Him to redeem them. We all make mistakes with our children. We can't go back and change the past, but we can commit to being godly parents throughout their adult lives. It's our longest season of influence.

Ask yourself: How do I want to influence my adult children and my grandchildren?

My own mother is a perfect example of this. She didn't raise me in a stable enviroment, but we now have a wonderful relationship. And she should get an olympic gold medal for grandmothering. She's a great mom! She rocks!

Jesus and The Hearts of Women

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 11:42:28 CDT

The story of the woman at the well has my heart's attention today. If you're not familar with it, it's located in the fourth chapter of the book of John. Please read verses 1-30. If you are familar with it, please read verses 1-30. And then meet me back here.

Quick re-cap: A woman who has been married five times and is now shack'n with man number six, bumps into Jesus at the water well. Shack'n is slang for "shacked up" which is slang for living together as husband and wife without being legally married. I don't say that with judgement or to be crude-- I've done it twice in my life and that's just what we called it.

So, our Jewish Messiah had a conversation with not only a woman, but a Samaritan woman at that. "For Jews had no dealings with Samaritans." (4: 9) But deal with her He did; Jesus validated, comforted, and empowered an unlikely woman whose disappointments in life had reduced her to a dysfunctional lifestyle.

How did He do it?

God Takes Us Deeper To Bring Us Higher

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 11:25:25 CDT

"What I tell you in the dark, speak in the day light; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roof-tops."
(Matthew 10:27)

Picture the ladder that leads to your roof-top. How long would your ladder be if each step represented an unhealed wound? Now consider how HIGH your ladder would be if each step represented healing and victory over those same wounds? It's the difference between an overwhelming view as you stare up a long ladder and a breath taking view from victory's standpoint.

I'm currently living my blog topic.
April 23rd

I'm in deep at the moment, which leaves me feeling disoriented and fatigued. God's calling me to go back and grieve something from the past that has nothing to do with sexual abuse. I know the journey well. I know that my willingness to follow Him up yet another painful step, will grant me more freedom and enlarge my awareness of His faithful love for me; but still, it's not an easy climb.

I do what I must each day...I'm a wife and a mother, but then I grant myself an early bedtime and quickly become a little girl, reaching for the only Daddy who can make it better.

Here's the reality of my initial response to facing yet another painful season of my childhood:
April 14th

I will be wise and abstain from alcohol during my season of grief expressed--a decision I made AFTER I drank a few beers with the wrong motive. I also bummed four cigarettes off of a friend. I'm one of those non-smokers who will smoke a few cigarettes once a year. (I prefer exercise to combat stress, but I'm nursing an injured foot and can't go to the gym).

April 15th

I've switched to Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup with crackers, and a glass of milk (my childhood comfort food). My husband graciously did the grocery shopping the other day and brought home a few cans of soup with pasta in princess shapes: crowns, castles, and slippers. If I'm home, I'm wearing mismatched pajamas. I look forward to the moment when I find myself on yet another roof-top, proclaiming what He has whispered to me in the dark. Meanwhile, I'm so very grateful that I have people in my life who truly care for me and don't judge my initial responses to pain.

Question: Do you have someone in your life who will support you and not project their personal convictions onto you? Would you sit next to a hurting friend as she smokes a cigarette outside and cries, or would you wait for her inside; avoiding the smell of cigarette smoke and the possible judgement of being seen in such a scenario?

If you have been judged in the past for less than perfect responses to intense emotional pain, I want to personally tell you how sorry I am. If it were possible, I'd sit next to you while you smoked a cigarette or drank a beer; hoping that you would feel God reaching for you... through me.

Our Mistakes Cannot Overpower God's Redeeming Love

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 10:55:55 CDT

I spent time this past weekend with someone who is baffled and heart broken over her recent behavior. She's up to her chin in the journey to healing and is ready to see a new reflection of herself in the mirror. I can certainly relate.

All humans are faced with moments when we want to do better, act better... be better. It brings to mind a profound scene in the novel THE WILD THINGS, adapted from the illustrated children's book WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE; recently made into a movie.

Copyright 2009 Dave Eggers
McSweeney's Books
San Francisco

The character, Max (the boy in the wolf suit), struggles to understand why he continues to "ruin everything." In this scene, he's approaching Alexander, after losing his temper and hurting him:

"You want me to move?' Alexander whispered. "No," Max said. He looked closely at Alexander, realizing at last that they were more alike than different. Their size, their fur--they were versions of the same undersized and over-trying creatures. He thought about putting his hand on Alexander's back, but when he raised his arm, Alexander flinched. There was a raw wound there, the fur missing and the skin red and bruised.

"Did I do that? Max said.

"Yeah."

Max stared at the wound for a moment, then knelt down next to Alexander.

"Does it hurt?" Max asked, hoping the answer was no.

Mistakes: Laugh, Learn, Move On

Thu, 15 Apr 2010 17:38:10 CDT

I've shed more than my share of tears over the years. Today I acknowledge the role inappropriate laughter plays in the human realities of every day life.

I have a friend who happens to be a pastor's wife (a juicy detail due to the demands placed on her to be better behaved than the rest of us). I've never seen her lose her temper, but I know better than to believe she hasn't. Oh, to be a better behaved woman than the one I see in the mirror each morning.

Here's the story . . .

Feelings Aren't Facts

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 13:35:24 CDT

"This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) I continue to remind myself. I learned a long time ago that feelings are not facts. I can feel bad on a good day and good on a bad day. I'll be honest with you, today I feel bad on a good day. I want to remain in my PJ's and watch all three Lord of the Rings movies with my two labs--the babes, by my side. I want to forget that there are 150 calories in ELEVEN Doritos and that I just consumed considerably more than that.

I'm grateful that God sees me; fragile, irritable me, eating something He will not "nourish unto my body" no matter how many times I ask. Me, wearing mismatched pajamas and a scarf around my aching neck. Me, wishing I wasn't so flawed.

It's just one of those days. Know what I mean? God is sovereign over those too.

I Never Knew That About Myself! Adventures in Christ.

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 20:05:02 CDT

Last April we got a second Labrador Retriever. Our first baby, Jasmine is black, but baby number two is yellow. I named her Hannah--Hannah Banana.

This past weekend Hannah went on her first official camping trip. On the last day, my husband announced that he would be gently dropping her off of the boat dock because "she needs to know she can swim." Whatever!! Needless to say, I lost that battle.

He dropped her into the water and just as I feared, she freaked out. She swam underneath the dock, placed both paws over a bar, and waited for her rescue. It took some coaxing, but my hubby finally got her to swim to dry land before repeating the process.

Each time it got easier. We clapped and cheered as she swam to us. Fifteen minutes later, Michael was throwing sticks out into the lake and she was a retrieving maniac. We were all amazed by her transformation. Hannah Banana was doing what she was born to do--after all, her daddy was a rescue lab.

I couldn't help but think of the time I asked God who He created me to be. And about how frightening and exciting it was when He began to reveal the real me to me.

God Has Our Backs As He Heals Our Hearts

Tue, 06 Apr 2010 10:39:06 CDT

The unfailing love of God is ever reaching into our hearts to replace our ashes with His beauty, and bring blessings that will be received and remembered with great joy.

When unpleasant memories come up, instead of feeling defeated, consider that God is literally driving the enemy out of our hearts and providing an opportunity to declare His Sovereignty over our pain.

Here's how I respond to painful memories...

Anonymous from Texas writes:

Fri, 02 Apr 2010 16:14:09 CDT

I am a single mom of three dating a recovering alcoholic. He has had five DWI's and has been sober for six months. He is committed to his sobriety and God. He has to be at this point, quite frankly, it's mandated by the state. When do I know things are okay to move forward in our relationship?

That's a tough question. And tough questions almost never have "easy" answers. First, I have to tell you that if I were sitting across from you at Starbucks I would want to know how you met him, how long you've been a single mother, and whether or not your ex-husaband battled any kind of addiction.

Since I don't have answers to those questions, I'll address three very important aspects I would like for you to consider:

the effects a relapse would have on you and your beautiful children
the reality of the long road to recovery
the potential financial hardship

Tough Mom-decisions: Choosing not to people-please

Sun, 28 Mar 2010 09:37:56 CDT

It's been a week of tough mommy-decisions. Zach's 11th birthday is this Tuesday, the 30th. I've always been the mom who rents the bounce house, fires up the grill, and has a house full of boys; including some of their siblings. My husband and I began scaling back last year, limiting invitations to the four friends he spends the most time with. We took them to a 3-D movie and they all spent the night. By the time it was all said and done, we hadn't avoided the previous year's party cost, but it was much more manageable.

This year we told Zach that he could invite the two friends he spends the most time with. We took them to see Diary of A Wimpy Kid (which I highly recommend), and they spent the night. They had a great time, but I couldn't escape the feelings of guilt when I thought of the other boys he knows and likes.

It was a tough decision...

Why does pain return AFTER we've been set free?

Tue, 23 Mar 2010 09:42:10 CDT

It's often said that the healing process is similar to the peeling of an onion...it happens in layers. But have you ever been convinced that one of those "layers" if officially a thing of the past, only to find at a later date that it's demanding your attention once again?

It happens to me on occasion, and initially my soul wonders why I'm feeling that way again. Depending on the level of emotional pain, my flesh will question the authenticity of my own healing. (It's just like the enemy to plant doubt after a miracle has taken place).

So we must decide whether or not we're going to remain convinced of the work Christ has accomplished in our hearts or give nourishment to the seeds of doubt.

Here's a way to remain in faith.

Jane Doe asked...

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 09:13:52 CDT

Where do you start when you have visual memories in your head...body-memories at random times. Where do I get help for this?

A Withered Hand Restored: Mark 3:1-5

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:05:52 CDT

This story reveals a practical illustration of how we unknowingly hinder our healing even with the Healer present in our lives.

"Don't over-think it!"...letting go of perfectionism.

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 15:57:48 CDT

I hate to admit this, but I'm terribly competitive. Not with other people, with myself. I have a tendency to raise the bar really high when I'm learning something new. For many, a little goal setting would go a long way, but for me it can easily become a detriment if I don't continually ask God to keep me humble under His mighty hand.

What does humility have to do with it? A lot actually.

Thin Places by Mary E. DeMuth

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:59:05 CDT

I just read it! My feet haven't touched the ground yet. Mary has a way of lifting my feet off the floor with her writing, and I mean that in the best way. Sometimes it's tempting to view our Christian testimonies as old trophies to be taken off the shelf and shined up to "WOW" a group of people who can't imagine life without the challenges that "by the grace of God" we never struggled with again.

Thin Places is a beautiful reminder that our stories should be an integral part of not only leading people to Christ, but inspiring them to follow Him through the guts-and-glory journey of overcoming the hellish wounds and insecurities that reside in their very own hearts.

I encourage you to read Thin Places. You'll love it!

For more information, please visit www.marydemuth.com

How to Make Wise Decisions

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 08:24:41 CDT

The word of God shapes and matures our decision making when we follow it. If you've never thought about it that way, try reading a Proverb everyday and you'll be amazed at the results.

I remember when I didn't make decisions, but rather reacted emotionally and then complained profusely about the outcome once the dust settled from the drama. It takes time to grow, and the changes that are necessary in order to make wise decisions only come as we concede that the contents of our hearts are under the sovereign authority of God.

Lack of accountability + Less time with God = Potential relapse

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 14:46:30 CDT

A few weeks ago Josh and Katie Hamilton shared a bit of their story at Gateway Church in Southlake, TX. Josh plays professional baseball for the Texas Rangers, loves the Lord, and shared openly about his battle with drug addiction. I wouldn't classify myself as a baseball fan, so when I first heard that he was going to share a bit of his testimony, I yawned and imagined yet another person in a suit standing on a platform, sharing some elusive story about how bad life used to be before the grace of God made life wonderful all of the time.

Is God sovereign over your healing process?

Tue, 16 Feb 2010 11:38:35 CDT

According to Wikipedia: sovereignty is the quality of having supreme, independent authority over a territory. It can be found in a power to rule and make law which no purely legal explanation can be provided.

Sounds similiar to Isaiah 55:9: "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts."

Whether you call it a "healing process" or a "journey," it's of paramount importance that you understand who your physician/tourguide is. I'll give you a hint: It can't be you.

I know firsthand that you can be a church-program-junkie, commit to Christian counseling, never miss a church sermon, and still manage to inch God right out of it if your main focus is on how you will heal instead of who will heal you.

The Power of Sitting in the Presence of God

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 20:25:08 CDT

Lately, I've been spending more time basking in the presence of God. I don't have much to say, I just need more of Him. Sitting quietly in His presence with no desire to identify and manipulate how He works in my heart, has always been one of the key elements in spiritual breakthroughs in my life.

The Subtle Ways We Unknowingly Emasculate Our Sons

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 00:38:49 CDT

A sobering subject, but one that's been on my heart lately. And as usual, I'm writing about the lessons I've learned the hard way.

Last weekend my husband, Michael, took our ten-year-old, Zach, on an adventure. Never mind that it was twenty-seven degrees outside. They sat at the kitchen table with a map and a highlighter, plotting their attack on the grasslands.

I did what mom's do best--served up a "manly" breakfast and smiled the "you-guys-are-crazy-smile" as they loaded up the jeep. And then off they went, with the windows rolled down, so that our two labs could feel the wind on their faces. Did I mention it was twenty-seven degrees outside?

Ahhh... A woman with the house to herself. "Thank you, God, for the day they will have together and for how far you've brought our family."

At 5:30 PM they returned, covered in mud, and with pictures to prove how they got that way. I watched a video of Zach climbing an enormous tree, its roots exposed, right off the bank of a lake. I quickly pointed out that if Zach had fallen, he would've landed in the freezing water. I wish I had a picture of the smile on my husbands face when he proudly exclaimed, "I know, I wanted to see if he was strong enough to do it!"

I realize more than ever, how important it is for boys to be provided with opportunities to be strong and effective every day. (Girls, too, but their opportunities are presented differently.)I have three sons, so today it's about mom's and boys.

Are We There Yet? Recognizing the Will of God

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:22:33 CDT

When The Medicine Place was still a dream in my heart, more than one godly person who I respected told me that it wouldn't look like I thought it would. I found that to be disconcerting. I had high hopes of providing a safe place for survivors of sexual abuse to gather resources and receive encouagement anonymously.

Eighteen months later,

The Impact of Neglect

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:24:09 CDT

The other day I watered a plant that had gone neglected over the holidays. I had put it in the spare room to make room for "Christmas."

It was in desperate need of sunlight and water...attention. As I was watering my sad plant, in my spirit, I heard God say, "All forms of neglect grieve Me. I created plants, too."

It got me thinking. When we neglect a plant, an animal, a child, a parent, a spouse, a friend, a widow, an orphan; what and who He has created, it grieves Him.

Is Your Marriage Caught Between A Spiritual Rock and A Hard Place?

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 11:43:15 CDT

Omission of truth. A full blown in-your-face lie. Betrayal. Infidelity. Addictions to pornography, drugs, or alcohol...not all wounds are created equal.

Men and women who face any of these challenges, know well the emotional pain that accompanies a marriage that for a season, has become more of a battlefield than a blessing. Several years ago, while listening to a pastor disclose that most problems in marriage come from an accumulation of little things; the dishes, the trash, a bill not being paid on time; I whispered to my friend, "Just once I wish Michael and I would have an argument over something insignificant."

Back then, most of our fights were over his relapses. I tried to be a supportive wife. I spoke life over him, prayed for him, studied my Bible, and thanked God daily for my husband. Between my efforts to remain a faithful and godly wife, I took aerobic classes and with every knee lift, thought to myself, I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!

On my way home from the gym I would ask God to forgive me. I love him. I love him. I love him. And then I would cry, and cry, and cry.

Today, my husband is clean, sober, and amazing! I just happen to believe that the grace of God shines through a lot brighter when we're honest about how broken we once were. If you can relate to my former struggles, I'm going to share something that will set your feet on higher ground, if today you happen to be at your wits end.

The Simplicity of an Effective Christian Walk

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 17:43:19 CDT

Last sunday as I sat in church, the pastor asked us to bow our heads and close our eyes so that he could ask a personal question. I imagined him asking for a show of hands from the people who still hadn't taken down their Christmas trees. No need to feel embarassed. Just a quick slip of your hand. Thank you for being honest. Bless you. Bless you. Hands are raised all over the room.

Have you ever just run out of steam? I've gone from stopping to smell the roses to stopping to camp in the garden. Normally when I spend time with God, it energizes me and I become more productive. But for reasons unbeknownst to me, the more time I spend with God, the more I want to nap afterward.

We Cannot Overcome What We Deny

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:55:00 CDT

More than anything, I want the church body to grasp that truth. It seems, in this day and age, that we've gotten away from good old fashioned confession.

I'm not referring to the confession of our sins, though that certainly applies, but confession of the areas of our lives that we flat out don't trust God with, whether it's a current issue, or something that happened years ago.

A Rebel and A Popsicle Stick Cross: part 2

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 09:16:55 CDT

I did the best I could to respond in a loving, non-argumentative manner as Christopher continued to stage conversations of point and counter-point with me. He often accused me of shoving Christ down his throat and I would calmly reply, "I have not once done that to you. I believe Christ died for my sins and rose again on the third day, but if you don't, you don't." And that seemed to settle him down. I think he needed to know that I respected his right to choose for himself, as teenagers seem to be very concerned about their "rights."

I often told him that God does not want puppets without choices. He gave us free will and He delights when we choose Him. I simply refused to argue with my son.

A Rebel and A Popsicle Stick Cross: part 1

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:28:48 CDT

If as a child, you attended church or Vacation Bible School, you are most likely the retired maker of crosses made from Popsicle sticks. Five years ago, my refrigerator proudly displayed such a cross. Zach, now ten years old, made it in Sunday school; complete with a magnet on the back.

I placed his cross on the upper right hand corner of a stainless steel billboard for all the world to see, or at least anyone who needed something from the fridge. It was purple, it was precious, and it was...UPSIDE DOWN! Who would do such a thing?!

2010: The Year Hope is Affirmed.

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 10:19:41 CDT

"I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it off to future generations."

--George Bernard Shaw

A Single Mother's Un-sung Hero

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 09:54:22 CDT

The year Michael and I separated was one of the most challenging years of my life. Our son, Zach, was just six months old. Almost ten years have passed, the dust has had plenty of time to settle, and God used a recent conversation with my twenty-two-year-old son, Christopher, to reveal that he is the un-sung hero during that part of my story.

Dictionary.com has several listings to define the word hero, but these are the two I most relate to in regards to a twelve-year-old boy who changed a thousand diapers, rocked his baby brother when his mother broke down, and spent countless hours watching a baby and his younger brother when opportunities came for me to work when childcare was not available.

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for brave deeds and noble qualities.

2. the principle male character in a story, play, film, etc.

Love Un-hurts the Ones We've Hurt

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 10:54:04 CDT

Several years ago, when my husband was thick in the battle of addiction, he would often say to me, "I wasn't trying to hurt you." (because let's face it ladies, it feels so personal, though in reality it's not about us at all.)

My usual retort was, "Well, you weren't trying not to!" Ouch, right? I didn't read my Bible in those days and the truth is, neither one of us had a clue as to what love is and isn't, does and doesn't do.

Years later, I discovered that God maps it out very clearly for us in His word.

Merry Christmas!

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 08:26:20 CDT

Hi ladies! Once again, I find myself apologizing for not blogging. I have a sinus infection and the sinus pressure makes it hard to have organized thoughts.

I have something to share with you as soon as I'm well. Meanwhile, please know that I am praying for you. I understand how painful the holidays can be for some, so know that I pray over my precious readers on a regular basis. You are not alone and you are covered in prayer!

If you have a special prayer need, please let me know through the contact page.

A Christmas Story for Single Mothers

Sat, 12 Dec 2009 10:18:46 CDT

An excerpt from The Jonah Chronicles. At this point, Michael and I are separated due to his drug addiction. I attend church, pray to God, but still refuse to say the name Jesus.

"Michael got a job, and every Friday he left money on the porch after his shift ended. I wasn't ready to see him, and I didn't want to raise the children's hopes only to disappoint them later.

Christmas was approaching, and the thought of getting the tree out of storage and decorating it alone weighed heavily on my heart..."

Love and Marriage

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:12:32 CDT

I recently went through a little slump in my marriage, as we all do from time to time, whether we want to admit it or not. It stemmed from a combination of things really...not enough time alone together, hormones (hello forties), and my own selfish fears. I openly share that my husband battled drug addiction for many years. Today he is clean, sober, and amazing! But from time to time the enemy likes to remind me of how hard the holidays used to be.

I thought for a moment and was quickly greeted by a spirit of despair. Now mind you, I have a wonderful life with my husband, there are no circumstances in my life today that merit those feelings. I got my Bible and read 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV).

As I read, my heart sank. I realized that I had not been actively expressing God's description of love in my marriage. I certainly had in the past, but God is interested in my walking in love today.

Deeper Still

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 10:37:44 CDT

I've made several attempts to write this week...to no avail. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but it also requires a little more of my time: to bake, fellowship with loved ones, and to snuggle up with my youngest son and watch movies. My friend, Carrie, has a son who used to refer to those moments as "cuddle-uh-zations." Don't you love that?

I was going to write early this morning, but I found myself sitting in front of my fireplace with two adorable labs at my feet and my Bible in my lap. I sang, I prayed, I read, I listened, I napped. I guess you could say that God and I had a "cuddle-uh-zation."

When I encourage you to go deeper, you can rest assured that God continues to tap me on the shoulder and take me deeper too. And in the midst of everything wonderful about the Christmas season, He did just that this morning.

I often pray that God will expand my territory in ministry. Today He led me to Isaiah 26:15;

"You have increased the nation, O Lord, You have increased the nation; You are glorified; You have expanded all the borders of the land."

Beautiful isn't it? But once again, God is showing me that before physical territory can be expanded, the territory in our hearts must first be expanded by Him. For me, going deeper is always uncomfortable. But I am willing to follow the Savior and I pray that you are too. We're in this together!

How about you? Has God tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to spend more time alone with Him? You may not be praying to cover more territory in ministry, but maybe you would like to be more effective in your workplace or in personal relationships. If you feel in your spirit that it's time to be still, then He will bless your obedience.

Often times, we want the blessing, but we aren't willing to take the time it requires with Him to be prepared to receive it. We must ask Him to prioritize each day, allowing for time alone with Him. I know it's challenging. Last night I missed a dinner party that I was really looking forward to. The sitter got sick and no one else was available. I could have gone without my husband, but I didn't have peace about it. So I stayed home and realized how much we needed to be home last night. (Of course, God already knew that!)

But it is written:

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of
man,
The things which God has
prepared for those who love
Him."

But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-10 NKJV)

I'm almost back!

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 08:57:16 CDT

Hi everyone! I got busy doing holiday stuff with my family over Thanksgiving. Blogging is next to impossible with a house full of kids!

It's back to the keyboard this evening! I'm thinking of you and haven't forgotten you in my prayers.

We're Not Alone

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 09:23:15 CDT

Several years ago I sat in a darkened church sanctuary during my lunch hour, wondering how I would make it through the day. The previous night's therapy session had been particularly painful, and I longed for a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel.

I was confused about Christ, confused about the cross...confused about Christianity. How can I come to believe God's love for me when I feel so invisible before Him? Does the Son who died for me see me dying today?

And then something happened that changed me forever.

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:13:57 CDT

Last Sunday, while visiting a friend's church, I attended a class called The Empty Nesters. I'm not quite there yet--still have one out of three living at home, but they welcomed me anyway.

I'm about to be forty-two and I would say that the average age in that group is sixty. I was a little uncomfortable at first...my age, the fact that I was the only one wearing jeans, but after a few minutes I realized that something profound was taking place in my heart. Once again, God saw a desire in my heart that I'm not smart enough to pray for, and He provided.

The Baby Steps of A Changing Heart

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 11:47:32 CDT

Just a little "light bulb moment" I want to share with anyone who is in a relationship with a drug addicted person.

The Original Sanctuary

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:40:14 CDT

Introducing authors David Terry and Marc Owings:

Most of my guest blogs have been written by women to women. But today I'm sharing an article written by two men. They are writers and speakers, but most importantly, they are men of God. I once doubted that "safe" men existed. I have since learned that you can't throw a gender away and experience the fullness of God. When I became open to the belief that there may be some good guys out there...they showed up in my life.

I met David and Marc about four years ago. I observed them as they told the truth, remained faithful to their wives, fathered their children, took the time to minister to the broken hearted, and sought God passionately. And because I was willing to believe, I received. God has transformed my husband into a man of God.

My guests today have written a book titled: The Original Sanctuary
It's all about the heart with them--you'll love it!

For more information, please visit: www.elevatehim.com

Before I post Part 3...

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 09:02:50 CDT

'...And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.' This is the first commandment.

"And second, like it, is this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:30-31 NKJV)

I'm taking a few days to meditate on this Scripture? Will you join me?

The Narrow, Less Traveled Roads of the Heart: Part 2

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:19:03 CDT

In Part 1, I left off asking you to consider who puts a smile on your face and who makes you grateful for caller I.D.

But the motive behind my request was not to encourage you to find fault with another, but rather to help you identify the areas in your own life that lack boundaries, and therefore steal the joy of fellowship.

Beth Moore once said that God didn't give her Bible studies to share because she was exceptionally knowledgeable and mature--that surely she needed them most. She then teased that before a Bible study "hits" us in the book store, she has been beaten half to death with it.

I'm feeling a little banged up myself these days. I can't tell you that I'm on the other side of this lesson. This is the first time I've ever felt led by God to share something I don't feel like I have a strong handle on, but the good news is that my personal insecurity keeps me fully dependant on Him.

Jesus has some very specific words for how we are to treat one another. Will you journey with me?

""And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?" Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? "Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (Matthew 7:3-5 NKJV)

The Narrow, Less Traveled Roads of the Heart: Part 1

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:26:47 CDT

A year ago several people told me that this ministry would not look like I thought it would. Up until now I wasn't sure what they meant. I launched The Medicine Place hoping to encourage and validate women who have been sexually abused. But it's gravitating toward something more than that. It's quickly becoming a ministry for women seeking encouragement through a variety of circumstances.

That certainly includes sexual abuse, but if you've spent any time reading my previous blogs then you know that I am a woman who has suffered much, but that I live my life cradled in the redemptive arms of a Love so powerful that human limitation prevents me from fully grasping it.

In layman's terms: The good Lord has delivered me and my family from layers of crazy! :)

As long as there is breath in my body, I will continue to experience a deeper measure of His redeeming love. And I will continue to humbly share those miracles of redemption so you will know that you are not alone.

God is all up in my business again, only this time it's not in the earth-shattering stuff like abuse or addiction. It's in the little things. For example, some of the long-term relationships I have that leave me feeling drained, but I haven't said anything because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or (and this is selfish), suffer the ill opinion of another.

Jesus is always on the move. Once again He has invited me to walk with Him on the narrow, less traveled roads of my heart. It's dark; I don't know the way, and the only light at the end of the tunnel is the assurance that He will never leave me or forsake me.

Just me, Jesus, and a sign that reads "Authentic Friend or Acquaintance"?

He wants me to understand that there is a difference. As women, we need to know the fundamental differences between the two. Our lack of understanding in this area often spreads us too thin and our husbands and children feel neglected.

In a few days, we will touch on those differences. Until then, think of your "friends". Which ones make you smile and which ones make you grateful for caller I.D. ?

Get Out of the Way

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:05:45 CDT

Several years ago I had a habit of enabling my boyfriend (now clean and sober husband's) drug addiction. I certainly couldn't see it at the time. I was just trying to "help": help him get off drugs and stay off drugs, help him keep his apartment clean, help him wake up on time so he wouldn't be late for work, help him become the man I needed him to be.

And then one day his sponsor said to me, "Michael would find God a lot faster if you and his grandmother would get out of the way and let him hit rock bottom."

He was right.

Feedback on The Jonah Chronicles

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 11:33:07 CDT

If you've visited the book news page, then you know that I have recently released my testimony in a book titled: The Jonah Chronicles. It's a candid re-telling of how I overcame abuse, betrayal, and religious rejection.

I expected to be asked questions about healing from abuse, but the most consistent comment made is, "I can't believe that you and your husband are still together after everything you've been through."

I can't help it, it puts a smile on my face; the thought of giving families in way over their heads with dysfunction...hope. God has taken layers of crazy in my family and transformed it in to mulitple stories of redemption. If you've ever wondered how in the world someone can say that they don't regret their past; that's how.

The Jonah Chronicles is now a blog category. If you want to know more about a specific circumstance I shared in the book, just submit your question through the contact page and I'll be happy to elaborate. Your comments are welcome!

Lessons in Humility

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:22:37 CDT

Today I hope to shed some light on a side to gossip most of us don't recognize as gossip. And like most things, I learned this one the hard way. God has been bustin' on me!

The God Who Sees Me

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 15:36:10 CDT

It's interesting how God works to fulfill our heart's desires. I spent the better part of last week caring for my father, who is now being treated for throat cancer.

He and my mother divorced when I was seven years old; growing up I always saw more of my mom than my dad. I was sitting across from him during Chemo and he said,"I really like your shoes." This may sound silly, but in an instant I became a little girl being complemented by her Daddy--and it was healing.

The next morning I drove him to the hosipital. I have no memory of driving my dad anywhere as a teenager. I never had one of those classic teenage moments when the daughter is nervous behind the wheel and the dad is equally nervous by her driving. My dad lives out in the sticks so we had to leave before the sun came up. We were dealing with winding roads, fog, and my forty-something-year-old eyes.

We were both nervous. And just like that God made arrangements for the "teenage moment" I had not previously experienced--and it was healing. It amazes me that He's always looking for opportunities to minister love to the lonely places in my heart; places that I'm often unaware of.

It never would have occurred to me to ask God for those circumstances. I couldn't identify the need, but the God who sees me could. Unfailing Love is always on the look out for me (and you). I'll see my father again in two weeks. Though I hate to see him suffer, I am blessed to have him back in my life and I know that he too, is healing.

Are you so over-stimulated by modern technology that there is little awareness of the quiet ways God moves in your life each day? Will you take twenty minutes today and identify a time when perhaps He handed you flowers, but you didn't recognize it? It's never too late to take a moment to smell those flowers and extend your thanks.

Setting Boundaries with a Drug-addicted Loved One: Part 3

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 22:08:32 CDT

Today I'm offering solutions for the challenges that often arise when dealing with a drug-addicted loved one. They're tough, but the motive behind tough love should always be: love.

Be firm, but honoring. Acknowledge to yourself and to God that you are in the midst of highly emotional circumstances, and then ask Him for peace that transcends understanding as you boundary set with your loved one.

Part 3 on Setting Boundaries will post by next Tuesday.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:02:48 CDT

I'm leaving town tommorow to help care for my dad, who is being treated for cancer. Meanwhile, I've posted an article written by Cecil Murphy that I think you'll find helpful. It's under: Guest blog

Reasons to Dislike

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 22:07:42 CDT

Today I'm happy to share, with his permission, a news letter written by Cecil Murphy, titled: Reasons to Dislike. "Cec" has written books on many different topics. His primary areas focus on Spiritual Growth, Christian Living, and Caregiving.

I've had brief conversations with him at writer's conferences, but it only takes a few minutes with him to grasp his sincerity for helping others. I've always been a tell-it-like-it-is person, and I appreciate his honesty and frankness.

If you're willing to take an honest look in the mirror as you seek healing, you will find Cec's news letters to be most helpful. For more information, visit www.cecilmurphy.com

I'll be out of town next week

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 18:12:28 CDT

I have the best intentions to introduce you to an author by the name of Cecil Murphy before I go out of town next week to help my Dad, who is being treated for throat cancer.

I'm a mom and I still have the day job, so the plan is to share a news letter Cecil wrote by tommorow, and hope to blog again by Tuesday, October 20th.

Thanks for understanding and I appreciate your prayers. The good news is, The Jonah Chronicles can now be ordered by going to the book news page. Life truly is a wonderful and awful mixture of things.

Hopeless Stars

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:06:55 CDT

I wrote this poem after six weeks of faithful attendance to group therapy. I remember being frustrated because I wasn't healed, (I had a lot to learn about healing processes).

I needed to heal fast...I had a job and a family that needed me sane. I was constantly on edge and I didn't want to be touched. Every day presented new challenges. It all seemed so unfair and the truth is, it was.

One Smooth Stone

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:36:04 CDT

One of my favorite stories in the Bible is of David and Goliath. David fought a giant who mighty warriors feared, and defeated him with one smooth stone and a slingshot...against all odds.

I love a good under-dog story!

Invisable Child

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 15:12:42 CDT

I've decided to share a collection of things I wrote when I thought healing was impossible and also what I wrote when healing became a reality.

I'm not sharing the dark stuff for the sake of being edgy. I just think it's important to show all aspects of the journey. And I want you to know that when I say that I know how you feel, I really do know how you feel.

Your story doesn't have to end with what I once wrote. I now live in the light at the end of the tunnel and it's brilliant. You can too.

Setting Boundaries with a Drug-addicted Loved One: Part 2

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 09:03:17 CDT

Ten Rationalizations That Make Bad Situations Worse:

Repairers of the Breach

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:32:25 CDT

Introducing Marty Norman!

Today I am sharing an article written by Marty Norman, an inspirational speaker, writer, and licensed therapist. Her specialties include women's issues, drug and alcohol addiction, sexual abuse, grief issues, and play therapy for children.

I met Marty a few years ago at a writers conference and she is an amazing woman. She is the author of Generation G - Advice for Savvy Grandmothers Who Will Never Go Gray. I'm not a grandmother, but as I read her book I found comfort in knowing that my influence in the lives of my adult children is not bound to the mistakes I made when they were younger.

For me, healing was a long and challenging process. Initially, I remained committed for my own benefit. But I slowly began to realize that it wasn't just for me. My decision to face the past and heal was one of the greatest gifts I could give to my family. Generation G is a delightful reminder of that truth!

For more information, visit www.martynorman.com

Personal updates

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:54:04 CDT

I'm trying to be back! My son's fever was the onset of swine flu. You read it right. After a tough week, I am blessed to announce that he is feeling much better and ready for a full day of school tommorow.

Meanwhile, I just spent the last hour setting up my next guest blog and somehow lost the whole thing! I'm going to bed and plan to rise early to re-type.

A quick hello with an update

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:40:35 CDT

Hi ladies! I'm sorry I don't have a new blog for you today. My son is home from school with a fever, so he gets my undivided attention.

'Just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you! Good news, my book is going to the printers tomorrow. So The Jonah Chronicles should be ready toward the end of October. A look inside feature has recently been added to the page! You can now read the chapter titles and an excerpt in addition to the introduction.

And if you pre-order your copy, you receive a discount.

book news

Setting Boundaries with a Drug-addicted Loved One: Part 1

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 14:04:35 CDT

I pray you'll benefit from the lessons I've learned through personal experience. I have rationalized the breaking of every boundary listed, suffered for it, and welcomed the internal peace that accompanies setting good boundaries and maintaining them. I'll say this as gently as I can: If nothing changes, no one changes. It starts with you today.

The Great Exchange

Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:05:21 CDT

Hi Ladies! It's important to share stories from multiple stages of healing. We're not all at the same place at the same time. Today I'm blogging from the deep end of the pool.

It's okay if you're not ready. Re-visit at a later date. Meanwhile, continue to seek God and trust Him with your pain.

Work of art

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:12:56 CDT

Introducing Lisa Buffaloe!

Lisa is a friend of mine and fellow writer. I met her almost four years ago at the North Texas Christian Writers conference in Keller, Texas. Her website, www.lisabuffaloe.com is reflective of her heart for women in search of encouragement and helpful resources and links.

Through Christ, she has overcome molestation, assault, rape, divorce, cancer, and remains in God's loving embrace as she battles the chronic effects of Lyme's disease. Lisa is an amazing woman who does not know the word quit. You will be blessed by her writing. Today I'm posting an article she wrote titled Work of art. Enjoy!

New Online Sanity Support Group is Starting in Two Weeks

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:57:48 CDT

Don't miss out on the chance to learn how to take your life back if you have an adult child causing chaos and turmoil in your life...

What do you need from God?

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:24:36 CDT

It was a strange request to a single mother at her wits end. Looking back I can see that my response opened the door to the great journey of trusting God.

The Beauty of Fellowship When We're Uncool

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:12:05 CDT

"The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone when you're uncool."
movie Almost Famous

Seemingly Impossible Things

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:30:36 CDT

"Sometimes I've believed in as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
                                      --Lewis Carroll

Happily Ever After

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 12:01:26 CDT

Stay with me, this has nothing to do with perfection and everything to do with progression...

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Forgiving

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 14:49:29 CDT

Funny...unusual, not funny ha-ha. We'll get to those later.

Guest blog coming soon.

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:59:21 CDT

I've been through a lot, but I haven't been through everything. Here, special guests will offer additional insight on how God equips them to walk through challenging circumstances.

Topics will vary, but they'll be stored in this category.

A Prayer For Survivors

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 10:54:59 CDT

"Father in heaven, I thank you that none of us go unseen in your eyes..."

Updates coming soon!

Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:38:32 CDT

Hi ladies! I haven't forgotten you...

Sometimes You Have To Look Back To Move Forward

Tue, 21 Jul 2009 14:55:23 CDT

"All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why."

--James Thurber

How do you treat yourself?

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:03:28 CDT

One of the most thought provoking questions I have been asked as a survivor is, "How do you treat yourself, Wendy?"

The Reality of Healing from Sexual Abuse: It's a process!

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:34:16 CDT

This is a topic the church as a whole, avoids like the plague...probably because it is one.

Praying For A Prodigal Son

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 09:53:01 CDT

I've seen him twice in three weeks...

A Prodigal Son and A Heartbroken Mother

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:58:11 CDT

My middle son is a senior this year...was. His ceremony was yesterday morning, but he chose not to participate...

The Early Days of Healing from Sexual Abuse

Mon, 04 May 2009 15:59:06 CDT

Where do you start when you don't know where to start?

Codependency

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:47:16 CDT

The obstacle to love's most honorable expression . . .

If I need Jesus to heal, why are there so many unhealed Christians?

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:54:28 CDT

That's a tough question, and my answer is tough because it requires trust.

How Do I Overcome the Memories of Child Sexual Abuse?

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:33:03 CDT

It takes courage to ask the question and courage to read my response. That's half the battle . . .

When Monsters Are Real

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 18:36:24 CDT

God, save the little ones. Not everyone is sent to bed with a hug and a story. For many, the monsters are real . . .

Tiny Boxes Filled With Pain

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:16:03 CDT

"Most of the women in this support group cry every time we meet, and I don't see them healing! If I have to cry to heal, then I'm really in trouble."

A Normal Marriage

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:49:24 CDT

Can a survivor of child sexual abuse and a recovering addict have a normal marriage?

Christian Moms Lose Control

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:55:21 CDT

She's one of those women you can't imagine losing control . . .