This morning I sat in my closet and asked God's forgiveness for neglecting to meet Him there as regularly. I hadn't stopped praying or meditating on Scripture. I hadn't forgotten Him. But I'd become so intentional with reaching out that I neglected to be intentional with reaching up in the one place that I most humbly enter into the presence of God.

I listen in my closet. I bow. I speak. I pray. I commune with God in ways I cannot in public places. No make-up. No mouth wash. No accessories, cool outfits, or flat-ironed hair. No smiling when I feel like crying. It's just me and the God of the universe. Holy ground. Me, God, and my dirty laundry.

My closet is where I hear Him best. It's where I began to heal despite the fact that I didn't have insurance or thousands of dollars to spend on therapy. I reached up and subsequently, God gave me an unquenchable desire to reach out to you. It's not something I can neglect and continue to serve you humbly and effectively. So, I'm taking a week off to Pow Wow with God. (I'm part Cherokee.)

This week would be a good time to cruise the categories on this page and also the daily dose. I'll be back next Tuesday! Though I will not be writing, I WILL be praying for you.

Do you have a special place or routine that fosters a more intimate connection with God? Where? What? Have you gotten away from it? If yes, take this week to spend more time reaching up.

Dave Ramsey, a financial expert, says that if you're not reading, you're not growing. Of course, now a days, there's a variety of ways to "read" without holding a book in your hands. His point is--if you're not learning, you're not growing. Lately, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on that's written by John C. Maxwell. (A man known as America's expert on leadership.)

I'm currently reading The 21 Indispensable Qualities Of A Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow. If you're wondering how a book like this can help you if you're up to your chin in dysfunction, I'll explain.

• Single mothers. You are your children's leader. As they grow, they will most likely follow in your footsteps. What steps do they see you take? Are you learning? Growing? Do you acknowledge your mistakes and then make an effort not to repeat them? None of us are perfect. I've shared many of the mistakes I've made with my own children. And for a period of time, I grieved as I watched them repeat them. But I continued to learn and grow. And guess what? I inspired them to do the same.

• Survivors of sexual abuse. We can and do heal. It takes time--and lots of it. It requires perseverance--which you already have in abundance. As you heal, you will lead your children out and away from a victim mentality. If your family has a history of abusive relatives, you can be the one to put an end to this generational curse.

• Frustrated wives.You can commit to living honorably regardless of your circumstances. (I do not suggest becoming a doormat.) But I've learned that when I respond honorably and take the time to research the wisest course of action, God empowers me to have a healthier influence with my husband and children.
  An old friend of mine, whom I met in a twelve-step program, once told me that when his wife began to have sane and sound reactions to his insanity, he could no longer blame her for his behavior. He could only see himself, and he didn't like what he saw. Ladies, you can take this to the bank. Simple. Not easy.

• Mothers with rebellious teens. After years of fighting with my oldest son, I finally learned that when I maintained integrity throughout highly emotional conversations, he always apologized for his behavior the next day.
  Eventually, he grew tired of apologizing. Embarrassed by his behavior, he made an effort to mimic my patterns of conflict-resolution. He followed me out of dysfunctional conflict.

This is not a book you should read straight through over a short period of time. Take time to reflect on each quality. Confess to God where you fall short and ask Him for help. Thank Him for the areas where you are strong. Healing requires an honest inventory of our strengths and weaknesses.

If your heart is broken, if you're overwhelmed with pain and confusion, I'm no stranger to the causes of despair. Acquire professional help if you need it. Keep in constant contact with God. Meditate on a few Scriptures that give you hope. Continue reading these blogs. And character build. God has good plans for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29: 11). In the end, your character will determine how you handle all the good that comes your way.

P.S. Progress, not perfection.

Sometimes I struggle to find my balance in life. Usually, it's when I'm either learning something new or refusing to let go of something old. I struggle because the Bible cautions me not to turn from the right or the left. My spirit should be so tuned in to God's voice that I can sense Him saying, "This is the way. Walk in it."

Even Dr. Seuss says life is a great balancing act. Sometimes I'm in the zone. Balanced. But my life is not balanced 100% of the time. It simply isn't.

Patsy Clairmont, a Women of Faith speaker, recently said that whenever she finds herself swinging on a pendulum, she can rest assured that God is right there in the middle. "I know this because I pass Him as I swing from one extreme to another. I always wave and say, 'Hi God!'"

I love her. She makes me think. She makes me cry. She makes me laugh. She reminds me that I'm human. And most importantly, she reminds me of Jesus. In His company, I'm always relieved that I don't have to be on my "best behavior."

Are you balanced today? Swinging on a pendulum from one extreme to another? You can rest assured that God is in the middle of it all. And He loves you just the way you are.

Last Friday I attended the Women of Faith Conference in Dallas, TX. Phenomenal. Amazing speakers. Speakers who challenged me to continue to "mature in my faith" (code for grow up and die to self). In addition to each speaker presentation they reserved time to answer a few questions previously submitted by attendees.

One woman asked, "Will I always struggle with my addiction?"

Patsy Clairmont's answer took me by surprise. I wish I could remember what she said word for word, because it wasn't what I describe as a "typical ministry answer." "Typical ministry answers," in my opinion, don't allow for the all-too-human varying degrees of healing. It can take years for a person to "get to the root of an addiction" and years to "take the axe to the root of it." Sadly, we as a church, tend to showcase ONLY the testimonies of those who've healed quickly, never to drink or use drugs again.

What about the larger percentage of people who don't overcome their addictions in a single prayer-filled bound? Their stories are no less relevant for the cause of Christ. If you've invited Him into your story--your story is relevant.

Relapses are a reality. We must be careful not to minimize the redemptive work in a recovering person's heart. This is where Patsy's answer comes into to play:

"Sometimes healing from addiction takes a long time. If you can, try to at least upgrade your addiction." (The American Airlines Center filled with laughter!)

Then she shared a story about a loved one who once drank booze all day long. When he finally stopped drinking booze, he switched to diet Pepsi. She said he drank it by the gallons. But Pepsi never got him drunk, so it was an improvement. He'd upgraded his addiction. 

I love this! My beloved husband, who's been drug and alcohol free for years now, still leans toward an addictive personality. Thankfully, now it's exercise, healthy food choices, and being a great leader and husband. I never thought in a million years, I'd say to him, "Can we please not talk about body fat percentages until I've had my coffee?!"

The Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous tells a story about a man who drank for years. When he got sober, he drank coffee by the gallon and chain smoked. His wife made a big deal about this not being good for him, and when he'd had all he could stand of her lectures, he got drunk. He re-established his sobriety date and of course, took responsibility for his relapse. (No one MAKES anyone drink.) But his wife lightened up after that, appreciated how far he'd come and gave him space to be himself as God continued to work mightily in his heart (and his family.)

My point is, I bet the woman who asked that question felt like a failure because she still struggled with her addiction. Patsy ministered to her right where she was. When humor and human reality intersect with hope in Christ, we give others room to breath.

How about you? If you struggle with an addiction, do you beat yourself up for not healing as fast as others? Perhaps you have a loved one who's on the journey to recovery and healing. Do you pressure them to walk a line that overwhelms them, and is therefore, counterproductive to sobriety?

A tip for you, based on personal experience: If there are measurable milestones that confirm a loved ones progress, put your measuring stick away and repeat after me: Progress, not perfection.

Zooming around on facebook, a friends favorite quotation got my attention. Something his father once said to him. "When you want to stop hurting yourself, you will."

There was a time in my life when I hurt myself, a lot. I gravitated toward people who hurt me, a lot. I participated in a twelve-step program at the time and my sponsor would say, "Wendy, if you go looking for pain, you'll find it every time."

She was right. In the thick of co-dependency, I checked my boyfriends pockets daily. I was a snooper on steroids. It didn't occur to me that by snooping, I was looking for pain. I was blind to the reality that my willingness to be romantically involved with someone entangled in addiction, was me choosing to hurt myself.

I've experienced every imaginable stage of looking for pain and hurting oneself. Therefore, I'm familiar with the varying degrees of offense this can stir up in someone whose not ready to consider this reality. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I won't push.

If you ARE ready to consider this reality, then you my friend, are readier than you know for what it takes to heal. Which is to do something--anything, different. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." --Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin (it's debatable.)

What are you willing to do differently today? Pick ONE thing. Here are a few suggestions:

• Seek counseling.
• Refuse to feed the monster of co-dependency (no more snooping) You're either willing to live with an addict or not. If you are, then you are not a victim. You're signing up for all the destruction that it brings into your life. If you're not, then DON'T. Separate, and then re-visit being together when Addiction is no longer lord over your loved one.
• Exercise. It relieves stress.
• Do something that nurtures You. Eat healthy. Pray. Set aside five minutes each day to just breath deeply.

This may be hard to believe, but big change comes from the small changes we make along the way. As you begin to value yourself more, your decision making will become healthier for you and your loved ones.

In John 5:6 Jesus asked a crippled man, "Do you want to be made well?"

Jesus' reply to the mans, "yes," was "Rise, take up your bed and walk."

Walk. Take baby steps if you must, but walk. One day at a time. One step at a time. And when you are made well, you'll inspire others to do the same.

Question: What behavior or action do you repeat over and over, as you expect different results?