It was a strange request to a single mother at her wits end. But looking back I can see that my response opened the door to the great journey of trusting God.

I was instructed to make a list and then read it to a woman who had graciously agreed to mentor me. 

I need God to:

1. Keep His promises
2. Never lie to me
3. Never leave me
4. Never hurt me
5. Love me unconditionally
6. Value me
7. Be available to me
8. Free me from harmful relationships
9. Heal me
10. Protect me
11. Fulfill my heart's desire for a loving husband and a healthy family

There you have it. What I wanted with a winning lottery ticket. I called her back and we reviewed my list. Most of my requests were what I had needed from my parents as a child. It frightened me to be so vulnerable before God.

She told me to start praying to the God of my list. I was confused. I felt like I had two gods--one who loved me and one who hated me, and the feeling was mutual. "Pray to the God who loves you. Are you willing to believe that He can take you further than your circumstances?"

It was a desperate time in my life...My best idea was driving off of a bridge. I hung up the phone, willing to pray. What did I have to lose? I put the baby down for the nap he still hadn't taken since birth, got still, and after a long period of awkward silence, I prayed. I prayed for lasting change. I prayed that I would heal. I prayed that the baby would sleep. And I believed. I was too desperate to doubt.

That was ten years ago. God has since made Himself known to me in ways that by far surpass what I listed that day. My family is not perfect. But we are healing and we love each other. God's smile is upon us. And His mercy is made new each morning.

If you struggle to trust God, your first step to trusting will be confessing the reality of where you are. Even if it's, "I can't trust, but I want to want to." If you were lost in your car, you wouldn't lie about your location if the person you called for direction asked, "Where are you now?"

So my question to you if you're feeling lost is, "Where are you now and what do you need from God to feel found?" Make a list and tell Him. You can even go to the contact page, reference the title of this post and tell me.