Relax. I'm not going to say "let go and let God" or tell you that "It doesn't matter what happened to you, you have to forgive." And I'm not going to proclaim that "forgiving someone who harmed you is for you and not them." Mostly because I can't find a single place in the Bible that depicts God the Father, telling Christ the Son, that forgiveness was for His benefit. The last time I checked, what He accomplished on the cross was and remains for you and me.

What I am going to tell you is how I positioned myself to receive so much of the miracle of forgiveness that it flowed right out of me and to the very people who harmed me; in spite of me.

In a nutshell, this is how it went down...

I couldn't forgive. I was too wounded to even think about it. I was tired of well meaning ministers compiling all the Bible verses on forgiveness and pointing them at me like a loaded gun. So I quit trying to forgive and I started spending a lot of time just sitting in the presence of God (I preferred my bedroom closet).

Initially, I cried a lot or expressed my anger. But over time that subsided, and I found myself thanking God for His faithfulness to me and then sitting in silence, trusting that He delighted in our time together. And one day when I wasn't thinking about the people in my life who had caused so much pain, I slowly awakened to my sinful reactions to that pain, but with zero condemnation.  

I had much to confess. He had much to forgive. Day after day I sat basking in a love so compassionate that the reality of my own need for forgiveness could no longer be minimized. He forgave me, and the very presence of a Holy God began healing my broken heart.

He loved me, forgave me, healed me, and taught me that my selfish desires and fears stem from the same sin nature other people have so brutally wounded me with. He taught me that what happened to me mattered to Him. That though not all wounds are created equal (some take longer to heal than others), all sin is. And most importantly, the Teacher did not become impatient with His student.

Three years later, Bible verses on forgiveness no longer frustrated me. I could finally see the beauty in them. I reached into my heart and discovered enough forgiveness to extend to the men who abused me.

Without humility of heart, forgiveness cannot be received from Christ and given to others. No matter how many times we speak, "I forgive you" or go to church on Sundays. Grace accomplishes it in us.

 Are you willing to set aside some time alone with God each day and detach from the question: When will I be able to forgive? Consider talking or journaling to Him about the feelings my story may have stirred in you.