"All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why."  
                                                --James Thurber

 If you've spent your life running from your past, that's probably the last thing you want to read, but I happen to agree with Mr. Thurber on this one. I look back now and it's clear to me that the more energy I spent running from my past the more bound to it I became. How's that for a paradox?

I know it's hard. But I also know that victory is yours for the claiming. It's the unfolding of it that will bring you kicking and screaming through the heart of the matter.

Go ahead, look back. God is with you and He won't leave you there forever. You'll be there just long enough to discover how truly beloved you are in His eyes and when you awaken to that truth you will no longer be powerless. 

The longer I study the Bible, the more I see God's heart for women. He cherishes us and wants to empower us to make a difference in the world. It breaks my heart when I think of all the times I projected onto God the motives of what broken men have done to harm me.

I realize now that everytime I said, "All men are ..." I was refusing my own repair and blinding my own eyes to the honor and restoration God can bring through the knowledge of the good men out there.

Healing from sexual abuse is a process that cannot be munipulated by man. Maintain steady communication with God through everything. And I mean everything. Keep your eyes on Him and you will come to know and believe the Savior. Stop running. Come face to face with from, and to, and why. If it helps you to know, I kicked, screamed, cussed, drank...all the things that the church of my youth warned me against. And I discovered a Love that didn't take offense. He saw my heart. He understood why I behaved that way, and His love made me better.

I asked Him, "Jesus, who are you, and who was I supposed to be before a thousand unwanted touches? And one day I looked in the mirror and I no longer saw a victim. I saw the reflection of a woman who had been to hell and back, with no outward signs of hell. I saw strength and redemption. I saw a woman with a testimony so powerful that it could encourage other women to heal. Through Christ, I am empowered.

You can be too. When we refuse to look back, we refuse to walk through the very door that will bring us through and compell us to live forward. 

What are you running from? Will you consider facing it to move forward and finally be free?