She was my first sponsor in a long journey of twelve-stepping. I met her in 1997. She was a survivor, like me, and one of the first questions she asked was, "How do you treat yourself?"

Was she crazy? I'd never thought about it one way or the other and that was the response she got from me. She then asked me a question that literally pierced my heart. "If the broken parts of you were a little girl, how would you say you treat her? Journal about it."

When I sat down to write, my answer to her question was heartbreaking. The truth was, I didn't take good care of myself. I withheld water from myself when I was thirsty. If I had to go to the bathroom, I would make myself wait until I had finished all of my housework. I frequently denied myself sleep and food. I watched television shows about abuse, knowing it would cause me great pain. Without realizing it, I continued abusive behavior in areas where my abuser had left off. 

I wouldn't think of treating a child in such a way. And so began the baby steps to winning my strength and dignity back. It started with drinking a glass of water when I was thirsty. Going to the bathroom when I first felt the need. Eating when I was hungry. Sleeping when I was sleepy. Simple, but not easy. 

Those who have not suffered childhood victimization, may never understand the emotional and spiritual dynamics behind the mountain survivors face. But know that we can and do overcome.

My question for you today is, "How do you treat yourself? If you were caring for you as a little girl, would that little girl flourish or wither under your care? Are you meeting her needs or neglecting her?"

Use a journal to take an inventory of how you treat yourself throughout the day. For example: Do you ignore thirst or hunger? Are you willing to kneel before God and ask Him to empower you to take better care of youself? What will that look like in practical ways? Maybe you'll feel the need to pray or perhaps throw the journal across the room. But whatever you do, don't stop going to God and don't give up.

Find a good counselor/therapist who specializes in child sexual abuse. I still believe the best counselors on this subject are the ones who have personally experienced it and now live the life of an over comer. It's important that he/she understands your struggles and that you feel "heard" while you're in their office. 

There are some really good counselors out there, but you have to be willing to look for them. Remember, they didn't all graduate at the top of their class and they're not all in it for the right reasons. I've personally known more bad counselors than good ones, but I never allowed that to be an excuse for giving up. And you can't afford to either.

I encourage you to make a list of traits you would like to see in a therapist or counselor. for example, is it important to you that they have had personal experience in the areas that you wish to overcome?

How do you treat yourself?