Sexual abuse is a subject that we, the church body avoids like the plague...probably because it is one. I'm sure there are women who healed instantaneously. I'm sure of it because I know that in Christ all things are possible. I've just never met one. I would be willing to bet that more often than not it's a process. Not because God delights in our suffering, but because He delights in our company and in making us strong and effective in a world that once stripped away our dignity. Metaphorically speaking, there's no way to avoid going to the gym with this one. It's how we develop spiritual muscle, (if only it burned calories).

I believe in some ways I will be healing for the rest of my life. I say that because during the course of my life, more will be revealed and therefore, more will be healed. But the gut-wrenching, I-want-to-die-or-at-least-consume-large-amounts-of-liquor part of healing only lasted one year. And then I spent another two years after that seeking God and wrestling Him. I didn't understand why healing took so long and hurt so badly. I was seeking, praying, studying, and crying to Him, but it all seemed so unfair.

I'll never forget sitting in a church service when the pastor began speaking of a woman who approached him after a sermon he had preached on submitting to authority. In so many words, she told him what he could do with his beliefs of submission. During the course of their conversation it surfaced that she was sexually abused as a little girl. He then told the congregation that he laid hands on her, prayed, and she was healed. I was knee-deep in my own healing process at the time and thought to myself, I bet she was. I bet she walked right out of there and never had another memory or feeling of dread.

But the pastor wasn't arrogant. In fact, I have the up most respect for him. I just think the church is a bit behind on understanding the long term effects of sexual abuse on the women and men who endure it and how it affects every aspect of their lives. Because if we really understood the pain, it would be reflected in how we approach and encourage those who are struggling. I say "we", because I represent part of the church; meaning the body of Christ. I'm not here to peddle a program, I'm here to point you to Jesus, who by the way, must be the center of whatever it is you're doing to heal--to the measure of joyfulness and usefulness that makes life worth living again. 

If you're not there yet, I encourage you to continue reading my blog anyway. What do you have to lose? God allowed me my own process of coming to Him, and He will graciously do the same for you. So what does it mean when Christ is in the center of your healing process? Well, from my experience, it means He must now be invited into the center of your pain. If you're a Christian, you once invited Him into your heart. "Jesus, I believe you died on a cross for my sins and rose again. Come into my heart and be my Savior."

So the next prayer might be something like, "Jesus, I hurt. I want to be healed. Come into the center of my pain, heal my wounds, and set me free." And then get ready to go where He leads you. And get ready to feel more of what you would do anything to stop feeling (just a while longer and with breaks in between). This is where relationship is developed and trust is built. And it's worth the struggle. I promise.

In the simplest of terms, this is how it works for me: I'm driving in my car listening to the radio. A song comes on that brings back horrible memories. I used to believe that I had only two choices: I could listen to the song and torture myself, or I could change the station and shove that memory right back in the pit it came from. Either way, I would later take my frustration out on the nearest loved one for the remainder of the day.

But now my healing processes always begin with a prayer. For example; "Jesus, I hate that song. It reminds me of the time...If you want me to listen to it and grieve in Your presence, I will. If you want me to turn it off and sit in silence with you, I will. You are God over that day and over the pain it brought. Be my comfort in this moment."

And then I let Him comfort me. What I noticed about this wonderful process is that over time, in His perfect presence, with absolutely no condemnation, I became aware of my sinful and hurtful reactions to the harm done to me. I wasn't responsible for the abuse I endured as a child, but I was beginning to feel responsible for the way I "coped" and I felt responsible for the harm it brought to the people I loved the most. I began to see that I had a few things to confess myself. I needed His forgiveness.

I asked for it, and He gave it. He began healing the hurt that ran so deeply for so long. And three years later, I knew it was time to forgive my abuser. And I miraculously had it in my heart to give. For real. And now I'm free. Forgiveness

See what I mean? It's a process. And if I could go back in time and choose instant healing over what I went through, I would choose the long way. Because it was on that road that I discovered how beautifully my hand fits in my Savior's.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me,
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison doors to
those who are bound" Isaiah 60:1 NKJV).

You will have a process of your own...different prayers, different circumstances that trigger different memories. Possibly entirely different scenery on your road to healing. Different struggles. Same Savior.