Where do you start when you don't know where to start? My heart goes out to women who wonder how they're going to make it through another day with that question following them everywhere they go.

I'm gonna lay it on the line. It only takes a few seconds on this website to conclude that I'm a Christian. But I didn't start out that way. I had huge issues with the church and so for a long time Jesus was not welcome on my journey to healing. You'll get the full story this summer when my book comes out. It was a big step for me to make a commitment to getting help and an even bigger step to ask God along--God, not Jesus. I was hurt in church as a little girl and so by the time I was in my twenties, I wouldn't have uttered the name Jesus at gun point.  

Initially, I attended a state funded women's center that provided free counseling to abused women. It wasn't religious, so it was a good fit for me in the beginning. I know a lot of Christians that freak out over the idea of that, but hey, God can work miracles through anything. And He accepts us as we are.

The great thing about that program was that it taught me some very fundamental techniques for making it through bad memories without completely unraveling emotionally. Because first things first, you need to be able to function to even go to therapy or study a Bible. As I write this, I realize that it won't make sense to those who have never been abused.

I used to tell my husband that when the memories rolled in, my head felt like the way a sink full of water looks after you lift the drain. You just sort of spiral into a dark pit. So some of those "non-Christian" techniques kept me from killing myself.

After several months of therapy, I could cope, but the secret hole in my heart remained. I had been praying to God in general ways for years, and finally decided to buy a Christian workbook titled Breaking Free, authored by Beth Moore. I had decided that I would go looking for Jesus in the Bible and give Him a chance to be real to me. I had nothing to lose.

There was something about the word of God in that study that began to stir my heart. And I finally spoke the name Jesus. I asked Him who he was and who I was supposed to be. And He showed up in my heart and then proceeded to get all up in my pain. And that's the only healing process I know of that works.

It didn't happen over night, but it did happen. If I had healed over night, the odds are that I wouldn't be taking the time to help other women. And even if I had wanted to, I wouldn't have had the daily experiences to share. I've discovered over the years that my deepest wound entrusted to God has become my greatest weapon against evil. If you go to the resource page, you'll see a PDF file titled Reality Bites. You can print it out and buy a journal or spiral notebook to write your answers to the questions. It's a great place to start and it's something you can share with a therapist, counselor, or pastor (and don't forget...God).

Also on the resource page: an 800 number to a hot-line that will locate a counselor for you in your area.

Hope this helps. God is with you. You matter to Him. "It," whatever "it" is, matters to Him. But no one can make that discovery for you. No matter what, don't give up. You are worth fighting for. I realize now that the lessons learned through my toughest years of healing were never just for me. God had you in mind as well. Don't give up.

"To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death. To guide our feet into the way of peace." Luke 1:79