Can a survivor of child sexual abuse and a recovering addict have a "normal" marriage? Well, I guess that depends on how you view the word normal. Webster's On-line Dictionary defines normal as:

1. Conforming with or constituting  a norm or standard or level or type

2. In accordance with law

If that's true, then I'm not sure where that leaves Michael and me. There are many ways to describe us, but that's not one of them. When we met, his uncle Jim suggested that whichever way Michael was going it would be best if I went the other. He was right at the time, but it didn't deter me from believing that God could heal us. 

We're living proof that He can redeem anything and anyone. It hasn't been an easy road, that's for sure, but we wouldn't choose another. I once believed that only a chosen few are gifted enough to experience life with a special needs person; whether the weakness is physical or emotional. I saw them as unique gifts from God.

But at age forty one, I'm convinced that we're all called to walk through life with these challenges; to be someone's unique gift from God, because lets face it, we're all handicapped in one way or another. There have been many times in my marriage to Michael when we both wished that we could make love without having to deal with the memories of past abuse. Other times, I've wished that we could go on a romantic date, and share a glass of wine together.

A friend of mine battles a chronic illness that limits her physical activity. Her husband is very athletic. They long to ride bikes or go hiking together. He goes to the gym alone and watches other couples work out. He wants a normal marriage.

No matter what our circumstances are, the temptation is to focus only on relationship limits. I met a beautiful young woman at a writer's conference, who due to an auto accident, is paralyzed from the waist down. In an instant, life with her husband changed forever. They're handicapped. But they get up every day and let God love them, ensuring that they have something to give back to each other. That my friend, is the closest thing to normal I aspire to be.  

In this life, we must learn to love one another and experience deep joy in spite of our weaknesses. God understands our frustrations. He doesn't become angry with us when we grow weary and begin longing for something "normal." Tell Him how you feel, let Him comfort you, and then get back to the embracing of the relationships in your life.

And remember, they're probably longing for you to be "normal" too!  

How about you? What does the enemy wave in your face to tempt you into believing that you are the only one in a relationship with handicaps? Will you consider embracing weakness with love?