Several years ago when my now-husband, then-boyfriend was drug addicted, he had a habit of lying even when it wasn't "necessary." I had a sponsor at the time whom I called regularly because my life was such a mess.

I called her one day to complain about "Mr. Rights" habitual lying and she said, "He's on drugs, of course he lies. You know this about him and yet you choose to be in a relationship with him. He's just being himself. What about you? You claim to be honest, but you've clearly invited a person who lies into your life, and you tolerate it. What does that say about you?"

Ouch . . . double ouch! I was furious, she was right. In case you're wondering why I would share something so harsh, it's because of a scripture I came across this morning:

Psalm 120:1-2

"In my distress I cried to the Lord, and He heard me. Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips and from a deceitful tongue."

It's easy to think of someone else, anyone but myself when I read this verse. But because I love you, I must tell you, I did not heal until I became willing to take an honest look at myself.  I was victimized as a child, no doubt about it. But in this case, I was the victim of my own choice.

I thank God everyday that He is merciful and desires for me to have victory over both scenarios. He desires the same for you. So if by chance today's post ruffled your feathers, know that I write to you in love and with the best intentions. My sponsor infuriated me on a regular basis, but know what? God used her to humble me and heal me on a deeper level than I ever thought possible. I want that and even more for you!

To make a wise decision we must first ask God for wisdom and then (here's the hard part) wait for it. Let's face it, we live in an "I want it NOW" world. If we pray for wisdom and refuse to wait, we can fall into the trap of making a decision we believe to be God's will, only to discover we acted impulsively. 'Been there, done that.

James 3: 17 describes the characteristics of the wisdom we need to make important decisions.

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."

After years of asking for wisdom and seeking the will of God, I am just realizing that James 3: 17 is our check-list for whether or not the decisions we make are rooted in wisdom from above:

1. pure- does not require anyone to sin
2. peaceable- steady calm inside our hearts
   
3. gentle- obedient to the Word of God (humble)
   
4. willing to yield- resist our own impulses and wait for instruction from God
   
5. full of mercy- not made from a place of offense, self-preservation, anger, or neglect of another
   
6. will produce good fruit- a healthy outcome glorifies God and ushers in His blessings
   
7. without partiality- when we refuse to consider wise counsel, we won't hear from God clearly
   
8. without hypocrisy- does not compromise Christian integrity

Simple, not always easy. I encourage you to read James 3: 17 the next time you have an important decision to make. And trust God with the outcome!

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear invovles torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18 NKJV)

I did it! I overcame my fear of elevators Friday night! Throughout the day I repeated out loud, "Perfect love casts out fear. Fear torments, and I refuse to be tormented! There's no room in my heart for fear. Christ lives inside my heart."

The fist elevator ride requiried a trip in a parking-garage elevator. In case you don't know, they're not air conditioned and very hot in the summer. No problem. We road up with a friend of ours and chatted on the way. Then came the biggie: sixty nine floors. Again, we chattted all the way up and were there in no time.

The miracle is that I didn't feel even marginally uncomfortable. And the view from the top . . . breath taking!!

Dinner was wonderful. Our friends are wonderful. The evening was wonderful! The next day I told my friend who still freaks out in small, closed in spaces, and she was amazed! We both wondered if there is a twelve-step program for people overcoming their fear of elevators. I think there is a program for everything these days.

Maybe in the fall (when it's cooler outside) I will talk her into spending a day riding elevators with me.

How about you? Got a fear you want to overcome? In Christ, you can and will overcome. Resolve in your heart to trust that He is with you and drives out fear.

Just a side-note: this is the first time I shared publically that I was about to do something that frightened me. I think my open confession coupled with the outward profession of the Word of God made the biggest difference. I encourage you to try it for yourself!

Today I will overcome my fear of elevators. I know it sounds silly, but elevators freak me out. And it has nothing to do with being a survivor of childhood victimization--that would at least make sense.

Elevators didn't bother me until four years ago when one of my darling sons thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of our house in the middle of the night. The policeman who caught him breaking the city curfew did not. His step-father and I did not.

It was winter, and his court date required a trip down town. It also required an elevator ride with too many people in coats. At one point the elevator stalled, and I got the strangest sensation in my chest. I had an overwhelming desire to take my coat off, but we were packed like sardines in a can. And that's when I felt it: fear. Fear of being stuck in that box with all those people with all those coats.

Why am I telling you this? Because tonight my husband and I are attending a wedding rehearsal-dinner that requires an elevator ride to the sixty-ninth floor of a restaurant in Dallas. Sixty-nine floors.

Today is the day I overcome my fear of elevators. There is no way I am going to miss out on something joyful just because the joy that awaits me requires an uncomfortable journey through fear.

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18 NKJV)

Today is the day that I overcome my fear of elevators, in Christ. That doesn't mean that Monday I'll blog about my new love for elevators. It just means that I will have something joyful to tell you vs. a story of regret.

All together now . . .  breath.

There was a time in my life when I could only focus on the person who hurt me. In 2000, that person was my drug-addicted (now clean, sober, and wonderful) husband, Michael. We had just separated, and I struggled to raise a baby and two school-aged sons on my own. If I wasn't talking about him, I was thinking about him. I had a sponsor at the time who would say, "Wendy, Michael takes up so much space in your head you should charge him rent!"

She always got straight to the point. I loved her boldness, though it infuriated me at times (mostly because she was right). I could whine about Michael for fifteen minutes before she'd stop me and say, "We can talk about Michael all day but it won't get you any closer to the truth or the solution."

She knew the solution woud come when I asked God to reveal more of Himself as I practiced keeping my eyes on my own life. It was a hard truth in the beginning. My husband's choices were much more destructive than mine, and I knew, just knew that if he would listen to me he could see the error of his ways, clean up, and rejoin our family. But it didn't happen that way.

My circumstances didn't shift until I determined to keep my eyes on my own life. As they say in twelve-step programs: I kept my side of the street clean. He continued to use drugs. I continued to ask God to reveal more of Himself to me, and He faithfully began to heal me from the inside out. I slowly gained freedom from co-dependancy. And when that happened, my husband received eyes to see his destructive behavior. Why? Because when I stopped acting like a crazy person, his own crazy behavior became obvious.

In summary, when one crazy person accuses another crazy person of being crazy, no one gets better. No one gets better because no one is focused on the solution. But it only takes one sane person to change the atmosphere in a home. So take God's hand and start with yourself. That is the solution. Simple, yet not easy. I'm here to support you in the process.

Where is your focus? Are you caught up in the mental gymnastics of meditating on another person's destructive behavior? Are you willing to humbly ask God to reveal your own destructive behavior?

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the speck in your own?" (Matthew 7:3)

When we listen to what God has to say about our own hearts and do what He says, even when it's hard, we find freedom. "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32 NKJV)