Several years ago, when my husband was my boyfriend, and still struggling to stay clean; a moment of clarity revealed how  much I had allowed my life to revolve around whether or not he was using drugs.

One afternoon he was lying on his side as we were talking, and I happened to notice a lighter hanging half-way out of his pocket. He had a sponsor in a twelve-step program at the time and when I asked if he had relapsed, he assured me that he was clean and that he hadn't worn that particular pair of jeans in a few months, and that the lighter must have already been there. Yeah right. 

"Wendy, I promise I haven't used any drugs. I'll make an appointment with my doctor for a drug screen and prove it to you." Ordinarily I would have agreed but unbeknownst to me, my heart was changing and God used that day to reveal a baby step to both of us. "You know what?, Take a test, don't take a test. I don't care. It would've been just like me to ask you to take it and then put my life on hold as I waited for the results. Can I be happy or not? I realize now that the peace I want can't come from getting to the bottom of whether or not you used. The fact that we're even having this conversation is what keeps me in turmoil."

Did I really mean what I said? I did the best I could to keep my eyes on God and my own business. It still took a few years before my baby steps matured into a belief that could stand firm. It's interesting that when I changed, a new path for our relationship was created.

The "management" of another person's recovery process is just one of the many ways we fuel the cycle of insanity. Today, my joy in the Lord does not hinge on my husband's sobriety. However, he and I both agree that the season of living day in and day out around addiction is over. Christ is the center, from which healthy boundaries are received. and to whom trust in the outcome is given.  

Will you prayerfully consider that your emotional attachment and efforts to manage another person's life is a hindrance to the healing process?Identify one or two practical ways to let go and detach with love.