I have never considered before today, the full meaning of the word: gossip. I can keep a secret. If you confide in me and ask me not tell anyone, it's done--no worries. Because that comes easily to me I was deceived into believing that I never gossip. In fact, I've judged those who can't keep secrets. God, in His merciful love, recently shed light on the whole truth of gossip by revealing that another side to it resided in my own heart: complaining to one person about another person's behavior.

I have a close friend who I consider to be more like a sister. So I have a family-love for her. A few days ago, I became annoyed with her and complained to my husband. I didn't recognize it as gossip because to me it was no different than the times I complain to one family member about another. Surely God doesn't object to complaints made within a family, right?

Well, it depends on the context of the conversation and the people involved. In the healthiest relationships, be it a marriage/family, or friendship, two people should have the freedom to voice a complaint to one another. It's how we exercise conflict-resolution and when done in a respectful manner, trust grows.

This means that the only person I should have expressed my feelings to is my friend; period. If it had been something serious, maybe wise counsel would have been in order prior to the conversation, (from my spouse, pastor, or mentor) but in this case it wasn't necessary at all. I had two spiritually mature options: talk to my friend or let it go. I did neither. Instead, I voiced an emotionally charged complaint to my husband, who sat within ear-shot of our son, who told his friend, who told his mom (my friend)--how quickly a mouth can start a fire.

Needless to say, my friend was hurt and angry; understandably so. I often ask God to keep me humble under His mighty hand. As you can see, He is happy to oblige. I still make stupid mistakes. I still hurt the ones I love the most on occasion, but I am growing. I won't tell myself to be more careful the next time I complain. I won't tell my son that he shouldn't repeat what he hears me say.

I will acknowledge that my behavior has upset two little boys, and one of the best friends a girl could ask for, which grieves God's Holy Spirit. And that grieves me.  

I thank God that I am forgiven, who removes both sin and guilt, though not the consequences. There is hope for me in spite of me, for God disciplines those He loves.

"Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As do stripes the inner depths of the heart."(Proverbs 20:30 NKJV)

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For who the  Lord loves He chastens..."(Hebrews 12:5 NKJV)

"Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."(Matthew 7:5 NKJV)

How about you? Do you see yourself in my story? Let's agree today that the only good reason to voice a complaint is to bring resolution and peace. If we need to "vent" we can cry out to God, who will minister to our emotions, give us the discernment to know when a difficult conversation is meritted, and equip us to have it; honorably.

*a note to survivors:Today's story is not intended to discourage you from expressing pent up emotion in a safe environment under the guidance of a counselor or mentor. That's a separate issue.