The boundaries listed in Part 1 are in bold text, followed by the excuses I once used to break them.

1. Never give or loan money to a an alcohol/drug addicted person. (Do not co-sign for a loan.) He/she needs money to eat. He/She will be out on the street if I don't provide shelter.
2. Never leave him/her alone with anything valuable enough to pawn, leading back to #1: Never give or loan money to an addict. He/She has never stolen from me before.
3. Never allow an addict to detox in your home. I can take care of him/her (which makes me feel needed) and at least I'll know where he/she is (which makes me feel in control).
4. Never give an addict the key to your home or loan them your car. He/She has no place to sleep at night. He/She promised to be careful with the car and not to be gone too long.
5. Never blame yourself for the natural consequences that accompany the choices they made when using. Stop bailing them out. It only leads to enabling, and neither of you learn or change. If I hadn't lost my temper or pushed him/her too hard, maybe he/she wouldn't have relapsed. It's partly my fault.
6. Never live with an addict who has zero responsibilities and zero accountability. Never live with an addict who has zero responsibilities and zero accountability. (It's worth repeating.) He/She seems so sincere. Maybe this time will be different. He/She went to church and/or a twelve-step meeting and got a phone number from someone who is willing to help.
7. Never attempt control with empty threats. Say what you mean and mean what you say. "If you take another drink or use another drug you must move out."
8. Never give control over the finances to a spouse who is using drugs or abusing alcohol.  I am a Christian woman and the Bible says that my husband is the leader of our home. I will be outside of God's will if I take over temporarily.
9. Never have unprotected sex with a person using I.V. drugs or if you suspect infidelity in your marriage. Just this one time. Today, he/she seems like the man/woman I fell in love with. He/She would never share a needle.
10. Never, under any circumstances, leave children alone with an active alcoholic/addict. I know how much he/she loves the children. It's okay to run a quick errand.

And there you have it. My thinking seemed so rational at the time. Looking back, I can see how it always made things worse. My husband (then boyfriend) grew worse, I became increasingly unstable, and my poor children were left without a vote every time I led them deeper into our family dysfunction.

If you can identify with my old way of thinking, take heart, Christ can renew your mind. He did mine. But I had to first confess my weakness and become willing to do something different. And like everything else, it's a process.

Part 3: Ten Tough Loving Solutions, will be posted at the end of this week. Meanwhile, please review Parts 1 and 2. Are you willing to do something different and begin trusting God with the outcome?