My youngest son recently announced that he now has hair under his arms. It was all I could do to maintain a serious, yet congratulatory smile. I wanted to form a big my-baby-is-growing-up smile, but I knew it wouldn't be appreciated.

I looked under his arm. I looked closer. Hmmm. "Zachary, I don't see anything. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Mom. Put your glasses on!"

I looked again. I thought to myself Don't laugh. Don't laugh. This is serious business to him!

Later that evening, my husband, Michael received the breaking news--only he used a flashlight to look. I STILL couldn't see a thing. I was impressed and humbled by his reply, "Oh, I see it! Way to go!"

In that moment, I thought of Romans 4:17. It reminded me that God gives life to the dead and calls into being things which do not exist. It's true for my son. It's true for me. It's true for you.

Years ago, when my life was a desperate haze of pain and confusion, I believed that I would heal. I sought healing. I waited for healing. I believed it was mine to receive--despite seasons when there were no signs that my life was changing. That I was changing.

But one day, I did see changes in myself. I'd reacted differently to the very circumstances I'd spent months asking God to change. From there, my circumstances began to change. Go figure.

Your circumstances will change. But the change you long for must begin with you. 

Today, as I pray for you. I see you changing. I see you healing. I see you seek the Healer with all sincerity. I see you restored. Wow! Way to go!

What do you see? 

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16 NKJV)

Confession is vital to healing. When I confess my trespasses, I take responsibility for my actions, which creates fertile soil for spiritual growth. In all circumstances, I must be willing to look at myself first. Did I play a role (small or large) in the unfolding of painful events? There are times when the answer is no. (Child sexual abuse is an example. No child is ever to blame.)

But what about the relationships I choose? In 1995, I met the man who is my husband today. I thank God for him. Truly, he's my better half, HOWEVER, that was not always the case. When I met him, he had just gotten out of rehab for drug addiction. Was I crazy? Well . . . yes, but I was also selfish. I knew he was unhealthy. I knew he didn't have a thing in the world to offer me. BUT I felt strong and valued in his arms--my motivation for getting on an express elevator to hell with a really cute guy whom I later blamed for all my troubles.

Are you still with me? The Big Book of A.A. describes this scenario best: I made a decision based on self that set in motion, a train of circumstances I felt I didn't deserve. Ouch! But you know what? I didn't begin to heal until I owned up to my selfish pursuit of value through another human being. I confessed to God and my spiritual mentor, then I began the long journey of discovering my value in Christ.

If you're in a relationship today that's brought you to your knees . . . maybe it's time to pray. Be willing to look at your motives. Ask God to reveal them if you're not sure what they are. Take responsibility for your motives/actions, and let go of what is not yours. That's where real healing begins. And once you've done that, no one, I repeat--no one, has the power to strip you of the healing and honor God gives you.

(from my archives)

Immanuel. Hebrew for "God with us." At the end of the day, after the long list of blessings I thank God for, I'd be remiss to neglect this beautiful truth: It's was the very presence of God that transformed me and my family. Unfailing Love continues to father us, challenge us to die to self, and live life abundantly in Him.

Simple. Not always easy. But always worth it. Always.

No matter where you find yourself over the holidays (hurting, hopeful, or happy), if you'll set aside some time to invite God into each day, you will awaken to His presence in every circumstance. At times you'll feel comforted. Other times your comfort will come from a deep knowing that God will never leave you or forsake you. 

If the holidays hurt, whisper several times a day: Immanuel. Make a list of what you do have to be grateful for--with the presence of God at the top of the list. A wise woman encouraged me in this activity at a time when my life was a desperate haze of pain and confusion. Today, I enjoy the outcome of my obedience.

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of my countenance, my God. (Psalm 42:5 NKJV)

My youngest son, Zach, loves to play chess and he loves to read. He recently received two new books for his birthday: Searching for Bobby Fischer and How to Beat Your Dad at Chess.

Last night I settled in with him to read Searching for Bobby Fischer. It's a compelling story of a father (Fred Waitzkin) and his son, who happens to be a real American chess prodigy. It's been made into a movie that I highly recommend. (You don't have to be a fan of chess to appreciate this beautiful father-son story.)

As I held the book in my hand, the sub-title resonated with me: Every Journey Begins with a Single Move. It got me thinking. . .

Sometimes our "to do" lists are so long, we waste valuable energy trying to decide what we'll do first. Other times, we become so overwhelmed by our circumstances that we become imobilized and subsequently do nothing to bring about a shift in perspective.

Someone once suggested that during these times, just do ONE thing differently. One move. One step. Allow the first step to create a shift in perspective. The following steps will come more naturally.

Regardless of what's on your list today or what your circumstances are, your journey begins with a single move.

What will you do first today? It's your move. 

Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:12-13 NKJV)

Years ago, at a time when I was sure God was there--just not there for me, I sought Him anyway.  And just like the Bible says, I not only found Him, I found Him there for me. To this day, when I seek to discover something about God I didn't know the day before, He is faithful to present opportunities that reveal more of Himself AND the me He created me to be. This is how I grow. It's also how you grow.

I highly recommend this.

Can you think of a new way to seek God? Maybe you pray a lot, but neglect to sit quietly in His presence. Perhaps you journal your thoughts to Him. If so, try reading aloud to Him. Often times, we'll tell everyone BUT Him about who and what bothers us. Seek. Find. Grow! 

Every effort was met with opposition. I'd grown weary from believing, hoping, seeking. I meditated with clenched teeth. Even my hands rebelled in prayer, now tightly closed around the questions I wanted to shout to God.

Did He see how hard I tried? Did He know that I was a single mother with a baby who did not sleep? Did He care that each day I went unhealed was another day my children longed for a healthy mother? DID HE? DID HE SEE, KNOW, CARE?

I called Suzanne.

"I'm mad at God again. I think He's mad at me too."

"Wendy, it's okay to be mad at God.  He's big and He can take it. Are you willing to believe that He will bring you further than your current circumstances?"

"No! I mean, I guess so . . . yes."

I wrestled God a lot back then. From the very beginning, ours was a passionate relationship. I'd tell Him off, then I'd pray:

Thank You, God, for directing my steps. I believe You are leading me out of my current circumstances with each step. Bless my steps today.

I never leapt over my circumstances in a single-prayer-filled-bound--the way superman leaps over tall buildings in the movies. Instead, God led me through those buildings of dysfunction. Together, we took inventory. In His presence, under His authority, I slowly overcame the real obstacle in my life . . . me.

Over time, I recognized the power behind my baby steps. Each step grew me, strengthened me, and ultimately prepared me to walk with my head held high and my feet firmly planted on the path I walk today. And really, it's a good thing. Otherwise, I couldn't be here for you.

"The Lord is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path" (Psalm 119:105). This reminds me that real change begins inside my heart, the very place I stand, and faithfully expands the road I walk to freedom.

"I must learn to love the fool in me, the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries."

--Theodore Isaac Rubin

As I mature, I realize that my harshest critic is me. I'm learning to be kind to myself when I'm learning something new, to be merciful when I want so much to improve in an area of personal growth but then stumble. I find that the more gracious I am with myself, the more gracious I am with others. Today, give yourself a break. Be kind to yourself and others. We're all human, doing the best we can under the mighty hand of a God who can be trusted to transform our weaknesses.

When was the last time you were too hard on yourself or another? I encourage you to spend some time today with the God of second chances.

Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out for yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live, all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.

I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living about one's circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint. [end devotional]

A prayer from Wendy: Lord, thank you for Sarah Young's devotional. Thank you for all the times you've renewed our strength. And Lord, thank You, also, for loving us even when we wonder off. When we don't wait. Can't wait. Wear ourselves out trying to force change. You are our stength and our salvation. Draw us closer to You. Open our eyes to see Your unfailing love for us and direct our steps. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I have two adorable labs. They bring a lot of joy to our home, but with the warm weather (high 80's in Texas) they also bring shedding coats. Bless their hearts, they're high-maintenance in the spring. Everyday I brush them. Everyday I clean the floors. If I didn't love them so much, I wouldn't put myself through the routines that accompany having pets.

Shedding is seasonal. And though I have moments when I grumble about the effort it takes to keep floating dog hair at bay, they are worth it. They are precious gifts from God. 

We, too, shed. When God begins a work in our hearts, it's almost never pretty. We become high maintenance. When our loved ones are in the midst of change--shedding destructive habits and behavior, they often become high maintenance. Take heart, it's seasonal.

Soon, life will feel lighter. So, commit to loving yourself and others during seasons of change. Focus on the joy each of you brings to one another and determine to be patient and kind.

Prayer: Lord, bind my heart wiith cords of Your lovingkindness. Give me the grace to be patient with myself and others during seasons of change. And thank You, for making all things new. In Jesus' name, Amen.

"When we focus on changing behavior or reducing frustration, we often find ourselves unable to do either. However, when we learn what it means to seek first the life of God's Spirit, then everything else lines up." [excerpt] Thinking Differently: Keys To a Life Of Freedom, authored by Bob Hamp

Thinking Differently is worth the time it takes to read. Read it slowly. Section by section and journal along the way. I must sound like a broken record, but I cannot stress enough, how crucial time alone with God is when you're healing. Yes, seek counseling. Yes, read books by others who have overcome what you long to overcome. But don't forget to seek the Healer Himself. For more information, visit bobhamp.com

Today I'm sharing an excerpt from one of my favorite books: Gift Of The Redbird, authored by Paula D'Arcy. Paula lost her husband and daughter in an auto accident. At the time, she was pregnant with her second child. If you battle depression over a loss many people cannot imagine, her book is for you. If you struggle to communicate with God, her book is for you.

Journal entry: Spring 1983

"I start taking portions of my bedridden day and give them to God. I am unpracticed at this. It isn't easy. I read a little scripture and think about the words. I look out the window, oddly comforted by the trees. I talk to God in my head, telling him what I'm thinking. I am honest, for once in my life. I realize that I even had a way of coming before God and trying to do it perfectly. Wanting to seem holy, I guess. I give all of that up. I just tell God how I really feel. I say that I hurt. I say that building back my life has been too hard. I let the real tears come out. No more bravery. Just a struggling human being. I tell God that I do not want answers, miracles, or moving mountains. I only want a friend. I want peace inside.

It feels so good to be real. To be both strong and weak. A lot of weight begins to lift. I will succeed and I will also fail. I don't have to just succeed in order to be valued. Maybe I will even be likeable as a whole person, one with roundedness and failings. At least, I'm starting to like myself this way, and God seems to accept me. Some small peace roots itself inside of me and begins to grow." [end excerpt] Copyright 1996 by Paula D'Arcy

I once had a sponsor (that's twelve-step lingo for mentor) who insisted: Wendy, If you go looking for pain, you will find it every time.

At the time, my husband was bound by drug addiction. I was subsequently bound by snooping, spying . . . basically acting like a crazy person, in an effort to control his out of control behavior. What I couldn't see at the time was that my behavior was equally out of control.

Over and over, I asked God to give me the grace to keep my eyes on my own life. And no, that doesn't mean that I read the Bible as my husband continued to get high in the next room.

I made a decision to take care of myself and my children; I made a decision to separate until my husband was willing to get some help and accumulate clean time. We were separated for two years. Today, we are in our sixteenth year of a loving, drug-free, co-dependant-free marriage and I thank God for him every day.

I encourage you to stop looking for pain and start looking for safe and effective solutions that will restore your sanity. Seek God as if your life depends on it because it does.

For more information on this topic, visit Wendy's blog and select the category: Setting Boundaries

When I sat down at my computer this morning, I sensed the Lord saying, "Baby steps." Someone out there needs to be reminded to take baby steps.

Overwhelmed? Do what is in front of you today. Perhaps that means going to work when all you want to do is crawl back into bed. Maybe you have a sink full of dirty dishes and a baby to care for. I remember well, both scenarios and everything in between.

Looking back, I'm grateful for all the times I had to function under pressure. You see, I was in training. Today, my life is no longer dysfunctional, but pressure still comes. I write, I speak, I have a day job, a family to care for, and the list goes on. I learned to multi-task as a single mother; a strength that enables me to live my life today without becoming overwhelmed.

God uses everything for a greater good. Ask yourself today, "What can I learn from my circumstances today that will benefit me later?"

"I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,
The crawling locust,
The consuming locust,
My great army which I sent among you.
You shall eat plenty and be satisfied,
And praise the name of the Lord your God,
Who has dealt wondrously with you;
And My people shall never be put to shame.
Then you shall know that I am the Lord your God
And there is no other.
My people shall never be put to shame."

(Joel 2: 25-27 NKJV)

Note: My husband and I have been together for fifteen years. The first ten years were a disaster. He was broken and addicted to drugs. I was broken and addicted to him. We  both did a lot of damage. Even after we began to heal, it seemed we couldn't get a break. Life was hard. When I found this scripture, I related immediately.

But God is faithful. He has restored more than I ever hoped He would. He continues to restore us. When He says we will not be put to shame. He doesn't mean there won't be times when we feel embarrassed around others. He means that shame will not reside in our hearts. I'm a survivor of sexual abuse, and I'm no longer prisoner to the shame it leaves in a girl's heart.

Take some time today and unpack this passage. See where you can relate and talk to God about it.

Prayer: God, thank You in advance for all that You intend to thoroughly restore in my heart and in my life. I believe You are moving me forward. Help me to recognize progress and avoid the trap of perfection. In Jesus' name, Amen.

"And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:32)

Note: For change to occur we must ask God to reveal more of Himself and be willing to take a humble look at our own behavior. Meditating on the wrongs of another person does not bring us any closer to the truth. Do you want to be "right" or free?

Prayer: God, reveal more of Yourself to me each day. Help me to keep my eyes on my own life and let go of what I think others should be doing to get better. In Jesus' name, Amen.

"They dress the wounds of my people as though they were not serious. 'Peace, peace,' they say. When there is no peace." (Jeremiah 6:14)

Note: This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. It reminds me that God takes our wounds seriously. He wants to heal us and transform our lives, not simply pat us on our heads and tell us everything is fine if it's not. But remember, sometimes the process of dressing a deep wound is painful. When this happens, you can trust His intentions toward you. God is not making things worse if for a moment, you feel worse. He is healing you thoroughly, because you mean that much to Him. 

Prayer: God, thank You for taking my deep hurts seriously. I will trust You with my healing process and remind myself that You only want the very best for me. In Jesus' name, Amen."

"No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment; for the patch pulls away from the garment, and the tear is made worse. Nor do they put new wine into old wineskins, or else the wineskins are ruined. But they put new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved." (Matthew 9:16-17)

Note: God wants you to have a healthy heart and mind. If you're doing the best you can, but your circumstances aren't turning around as quickly as you'd hoped, take a deep breath. Keep doing the best you can. Continue to seek God. His best is at work on the inside, so that you will be able to contain His best for you on the outside.

When I was at my lowest point emotionally, I believed my life was harder than it should have been, after all, I was seeking God. I wanted Him to turn years of dysfunction around quickly. But it was my pursuit of Him throughout my struggles that prepared me to operate in His strength throughout demanding circumstances. Today, He has blessed me beyond anything I desired as a broken person. But those blessings require much of me. I couldn't have handled them years ago.

Trust in Him. Tell Him you trust in Him. And when you doubt, tell Him that too. "I want to trust You, but I struggle to believe. God, heal my unbelief."

Prayer: "God, I'm doing the best I can. I believe that beneath the surface of stressful circumstances, You are moving on my behalf. You are preparing me to receive Your best for me. Thank You. Direct my path today and help me to trust that I am not alone in this journey. In Jesus' name, Amen."