If you have negative thoughts and feelings about a person who's hurt you--you're not wrong to have them--you're human. But how can you keep destructive thoughts and feelings from contaminating your heart and giving birth to sin?

In therapy, I learned to counter my negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Bible studies taught me to quote Scripture that spoke specifically to my circumstances. I did both. But at the risk of offending some--I didn't experience the full empowerment of either plan UNTIL out of complete frustration I confessed my thoughts and feelings at the feet of Jesus. In my walk-in closet, I formed a habit of telling Him everything, everyday.

No matter how ugly the thoughts, I confessed aloud to Beauty; again and again. He never tired of my confessions. He never shamed me. He listened with compassion and forgave my sins when my thoughts convinced me to retaliate. He loved me.

Slowly, I overcame. I was no longer captive to angry, destructive thoughts. I was released from the prison of "I can't forgive."

". . . Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5).

One of my favorite movies is Living Out Loud, with Holly Hunter. Her character, Judith Moore, goes through a painful divorce after her husband leaves her for a younger woman.

There's a scene in which she finds herself alone in an elevator with her soon-to-be ex-husband. He says something sarcastic and her emotions take over:

Judith Moore (to a friend after confronting her ex-husband in the elevator): I mean, the situation clearly called for me to attack him!

I've been there and done that. And for the same reason. Except, I wasn't married to the man I attacked who'd gotten involved with a younger woman.

I hurt a lot of people that day. I'd intended to hurt only the man who'd hurt me, but from the moment I bowed to my emotions, Fury took no prisoners. I hurt myself. I hurt my children. I hurt my finances (I was ticketed and fined for a Class-C assault).

I've learned over the years that when someone hurts me, they're more likely to feel conviction over their behavior when I refrain from attempting to out-hurt them. God is my vindicator.

"A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back. (Proverbs 29:11)

A Healthy Reaction: If you've been hurt by someone you love, run to God. Cry. Vent. Feel. Allow the God of all comfort to dry your tears. Ask for wisdom. Wait for it. This plan of re-action will empower you. Venting may give temporary relief, but truth is, it will strip you of dignity and power in the days to come.

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16 NKJV)

Confession is vital to healing. When I confess my trespasses, I take responsibility for my actions, which creates fertile soil for spiritual growth. In all circumstances, I must be willing to look at myself first. Did I play a role (small or large) in the unfolding of painful events? There are times when the answer is no. (Child sexual abuse is an example. No child is ever to blame.)

But what about the relationships I choose? In 1995, I met the man who is my husband today. I thank God for him. Truly, he's my better half, HOWEVER, that was not always the case. When I met him, he had just gotten out of rehab for drug addiction. Was I crazy? Well . . . yes, but I was also selfish. I knew he was unhealthy. I knew he didn't have a thing in the world to offer me. BUT I felt strong and valued in his arms--my motivation for getting on an express elevator to hell with a really cute guy whom I later blamed for all my troubles.

Are you still with me? The Big Book of A.A. describes this scenario best: I made a decision based on self that set in motion, a train of circumstances I felt I didn't deserve. Ouch! But you know what? I didn't begin to heal until I owned up to my selfish pursuit of value through another human being. I confessed to God and my spiritual mentor, then I began the long journey of discovering my value in Christ.

If you're in a relationship today that's brought you to your knees . . . maybe it's time to pray. Be willing to look at your motives. Ask God to reveal them if you're not sure what they are. Take responsibility for your motives/actions, and let go of what is not yours. That's where real healing begins. And once you've done that, no one, I repeat--no one, has the power to strip you of the healing and honor God gives you.

(from my archives)

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.  (Psalm 32:8 NKJV)

Affirmation: I will yield to God's agenda for my life today. I will listen for His instruction, trust Him to direct my steps, and detach from the outcome. God is in control. 

When I was a single mother with two young boys and a baby that rarely slept through the night, I prayed every morning Please, God, give me the strength to put my feet on the floor.

He always did. The days were long. My life was hard. But still, He gave me the grace to rise and walk. I was lonely for adult fellowship. I was tired. But today, I'm grateful for that season in my life. I learned how to depend on God, simply by asking for the strength to get out of bed and show up for life.

If you wake each morning with an overwhelming desire to put the blankets over your head and go back to sleep, take a deep breath. Then ask God to direct your steps, beginning with the ones you must take to get out of bed. I understand how hard it is to move your feet when all you can see is a day filled with challenges. Step into your day expecting God to move on your behalf. And when you climb into bed at night, thank Him for the day, even if what He's accomplished is not yet recognizable to you.

Remember, I pray for you! And I would never ask you to do something I haven't done myself. A grateful heart can move mountains. 

Prayer: Father in heaven, thank You for working on my behalf. You are my refuge. You are my strength. You are in every step I take. In Jesus' name, amen.