My darkest hours do not represent a day in time, when horrible things happened to me on earth. 2 Peter 3:8 is a reminder that God is not bound by time and space.

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends; With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."

My darkest hour represents the darkest place in my heart--the part that convinces me to despair. No breakthroughs for you, Wendy. You'll never get past this. Part of me believes the lie, though most of me knows better.

And so, it is I who leaves a part of my heart withering in the dark. Not God, who's always reaching for me with loving arms. He longs to pull me out of the pit that deceives me into fearing that this time, darkness overshadows divine Light. Over and over, the pit whispers, "Avenge yourself, protect yourself!"

But Light whispers too. He tells me what to pray. "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief." (Mark 9:24 NIV) And in that moment, Light pierces me. I am re-wounded. The blood of an unhealed wound is absorbed in the blood of Christ. I am consecrated and suddenly, all things are possible in Him. (Matthew 9:26 NIV)

Miraculously, an incident that hurt for a thousand years, is put in its rightful place--a day. I gain eternal perspective. 

Question: If you have something in your heart that you don't trust God with, will you consider going to Him and telling Him how you feel? Close with this beautiful prayer, "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief."

(Archives)

I find comfort in Psalm 32:8: I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. But this wasn't always so. When I faced my painful past, the first year was a desperate haze of pain and confusion.I needed this scripture to be visibly alive, not merely "at work in my heart" each day.

I did my best to believe. But all I felt was overwhelmed. All I saw was opposition. How could I prioritize a life that resembled a sink full of dirty dishes?

I didn't give up. I read this scripture daily. I memorized it; spoke it aloud throughout the day. When I couldn't sleep, I meditated on it. I struggle to explain how this worked. I only know that somewhere along the line I awakened to the counsel and instruction of God. The dishes in the sink and the memories of my childhood no longer overwhelmed me. God watched over me.

It took time. The building of ones faith doesn't happen over night. Have you chosen a scripture that speaks to the deepest need in your life today? Ask God for one. He knows what you have need of. It'll either "jump off the page" when you're reading the Bible or resonate in your heart when you hear it.

When this happens, receive it. Pray it. Speak it. Meditate on it. Proclaim that the Word of God is alive and active in your heart AND your day.

Then don't let go. Hold fast to the Word of God, for it holds you, too.

Deep down, I know . . . I control nothing. Like the sun, I rose this morning because God said, "Wake up sleepy head." 

I go to work. I receive payment. I tithe, pay bills, fund the savings account, and make plans to do something fun with what remains. And then I forget . . . I control nothing. I forget because visible provision makes me feel so in control. Awe, the grand illusion. I love the illusion.

It's easy to "cast your care upon the Lord" when provision shines high in the sky. And then comes a financial overcast. My sure-to-be-solid trust in God is tested under this overcast. In the absence of sun-shiny-provision, the doubts in my heart are exposed--pouty children with a sense of entitlement.

I confess. I confess because the tender mercies of a loving Father compel me to tell the truth. I tell. He listens. I cry. He comforts. I wait (longer than I'd prefer), and He commands provision to shine brightly once again.

I feel badly about the times I can't offer Him 100% trust. He is, after all, worthy. I thank Him for loving me regardless. I thank Him for loving me enough to cloud the traditional ways my needs are met, just long enough to remind me that He is Provider. He is God, and I am not.

"Those who revere You will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O Lord, that Your judgements are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort. According to Your servant. Let Your tender mercies come to me, that I may live. For Your law is my delight." (Psalm 119:74 NKJV)

What are you weathering in life today? Is provision shining brightly? Or are are you experiencing an overcast? I've experienced both more times than I can count. He's always been faithful to me. I have no reason to doubt Him, and yet there are times when I do. If you can relate, tell Him how you feel. One of the most liberating prayers we can pray is, "I believe Lord. Help me with my unbelief." (Mark 9:24)

Disclaimer: If you spend more than you make on wants, as opposed to needs, you're lesson, most likely, is one of discipline. I highly recommend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. If you're responsible with money and are experiencing a sudden drop in income; evaluate your feelings about it and God, then listen for what He wills you to do next--if anything, but trust Him as best you can.

An Excerpt from The Jonah Chronicles: (1999; I've just become a single mother with a six-month-old baby and two elementary school-aged sons.)

Suzanne encouraged me to keep my eyes on my own life. I had a list of things I needed to do and it was time to get started. First, I needed to apply for the Women, Infants, and Children program, better known as WIC.

It was humiliating. I was placed in a room with teenage girls, watching a mandatory film on the basic food groups. I wanted to die and I hated Michael.

When I left, I discovered that I had locked my keys in the car. I returned to the main entrance and noticed a sign that informs visitors that the doors automatically lock at five p.m. There I stood, in the parking lot with my baby. The keys were in the car, my pride was in the WIC office, and my sanity was nowhere to be found. I waited half an hour for someone to open the door and then an hour for a locksmith to arrive.

Everyday was difficult. I was trying to do what was "in front of me", in spite of how I felt. But it was harder than it should have been. After all, I was seeking God!

I frequently called my sponsor, Suzanne, and told her I was mad at God again. She faithfully replied, "It's okay to be mad at God. He's big and He can take it. Are you willing to believe that He can take you further than your current circumstances?" She had such a relaxed way of presenting Him that I always found myself willing to hang in there, even when I felt like giving up.

At times she seemed giddy over the miserable state I was in. She knew the God of miracles and loved having a front-row seat to His redeeming love in my life.

When the child support for the baby stopped, she told me not to worry. "God is the source of everything and the channels frequently change." I loved her steady willingness to seek Him, yet she never shoved Christ down my throat. I didn't know what I believed at the time, but I believed she believed, and I found that comforting. [end of excerpt]

Question:Where are you today? Do you believe God will bring you further than your current circumstances? If you're not sure what you believe, know that I believe. I'm forty-three years old and I can honestly say that all of the "dead-end" roads I faced back then were not more powerful than the hand of God.

If you face one dead-end after another, call on the God who makes a way. Ask Him to make a way. And know that today, I ask Him on your behalf, too.

"For I know the thoughts that I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:11-13 NKJV).

To make a wise decision we must first ask God for wisdom and then (here's the hard part) wait for it. Let's face it, we live in an "I want it NOW" world. If we pray for wisdom and refuse to wait, we can fall into the trap of making a decision we believe to be God's will, only to discover we acted impulsively. 'Been there, done that.

James 3: 17 describes the characteristics of the wisdom we need to make important decisions.

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy."

After years of asking for wisdom and seeking the will of God, I am just realizing that James 3: 17 is our check-list for whether or not the decisions we make are rooted in wisdom from above:

1. pure- does not require anyone to sin
2. peaceable- steady calm inside our hearts
   
3. gentle- obedient to the Word of God (humble)
   
4. willing to yield- resist our own impulses and wait for instruction from God
   
5. full of mercy- not made from a place of offense, self-preservation, anger, or neglect of another
   
6. will produce good fruit- a healthy outcome glorifies God and ushers in His blessings
   
7. without partiality- when we refuse to consider wise counsel, we won't hear from God clearly
   
8. without hypocrisy- does not compromise Christian integrity

Simple, not always easy. I encourage you to read James 3: 17 the next time you have an important decision to make. And trust God with the outcome!

Yesterday my youngest son thought it would be a good idea to use a stapler and a black trash bag to create a Batman cape. (What can I say, when you live in Texas and the heat index is 110 degrees, even swimming loses its luster.) "Zachary," I said. "I don't think that's a good idea. The staples probably won't hold your cape together." "Don't worry Mom. I know exactly what I'm doing . . . okay maybe not exactly, but I do know what I'm doing."

It got me thinking. Wait, first it got me laughing! Then I thought: How many times have I had a similiar response to God without actually saying it out loud.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3: 5-6 NKJV)

If you happen to be taking baby steps into trusting God, it's okay. Just acknowledge Him each day. And when you feel confused, acknowledge Him. Even if all you can pray is, "You are God and I am not. Please direct my steps today. Amen."

Can you think of a time when you were sure you had everything under control, but it quickly fell apart? God is in the business of mending the things we break: Our own hearts, other people's hearts. You can trust Him with both.

If you're joining us for the first time today, you should know that I just got back from a speakers conference in North Carolina. (Now this post will make sense . . . I hope.) I participated in a speaker evaluation that required each attendee to give a five minute teaching.

I did everything I could to prepare my "talk." I prayed. I waited to hear from God. I wrote a few ideas down, but it wasn't coming together like I had hoped, and I'm not generally a woman at a loss for words.

Every attempt I made to prepare was met with weird opposition. By mid afternoon of speaker evaluation day, I was in tears. There was a prayer room available for us girls, so I went in, bowed with my face to the floor and cried to God, "I have made every effort to prepare for this class, and I have nothing to offer. Lord, if you don't put your words in my mouth I won't have any, other than: Hi. My name is Wendy Saxton. Thank you. Good-bye."

Having done all I could do, I took the weight of my need and placed it in God's hands. When my name was called, I took a deep breath and opened my mouth. Guess what? He filled it for four minutes and forty-two seconds. I noticed a woman with tears in her eyes. That is the power of God.

You see, it would have been irresponsible of me not to do my part. I continued to pray and do what I could do, but in the end it wasn't enough. God blessed my efforts. He blessed me for trusting Him to do what I honestly could not.

How does this apply to every day life? Simple. When I was a single mother raising a six-month-old baby and two young children, most days I lacked every thing I needed to give my children the lifestyle they so richly deserved. And I'm not talking about designer clothes. I'm talking about a steady, non-dysfunctional upbringing. I loved them with all of my heart, but it didn't change the fact that they were being raised in a chaotic environment.

I did the best I could to get to the other side of my personal and family dysfunction. I prayed. I worked. I ran my household and took care of my children. I received wise counsel from sponsors and mentors who by the way, instructed me to take responsibility for my own actions and stop judging everyone else for theirs. But even that only took me so far. It was the unfailing love and power of God that brought me and my children to a land of healing and peace.

Trust God with what you can do. And trust God to take care of what you can't.

"Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11: 29-30)

Don't be hard on yourself. I've made more mistakes than I can count with my personal life and with my children. Nothing. Nothing can overshadow the redeeming love of God. I am living proof. And it's only a matter of time before you are too!

Are you doing what you can? Thank Him for your ability. Have you entrusted Him with what you can't do? Thank Him in advance for His provision.