Dave Ramsey, a financial expert, says that if you're not reading, you're not growing. Of course, now a days, there's a variety of ways to "read" without holding a book in your hands. His point is--if you're not learning, you're not growing. Lately, I've been reading everything I can get my hands on that's written by John C. Maxwell. (A man known as America's expert on leadership.)

I'm currently reading The 21 Indispensable Qualities Of A Leader: Becoming the Person Others Will Want to Follow. If you're wondering how a book like this can help you if you're up to your chin in dysfunction, I'll explain.

• Single mothers. You are your children's leader. As they grow, they will most likely follow in your footsteps. What steps do they see you take? Are you learning? Growing? Do you acknowledge your mistakes and then make an effort not to repeat them? None of us are perfect. I've shared many of the mistakes I've made with my own children. And for a period of time, I grieved as I watched them repeat them. But I continued to learn and grow. And guess what? I inspired them to do the same.

• Survivors of sexual abuse. We can and do heal. It takes time--and lots of it. It requires perseverance--which you already have in abundance. As you heal, you will lead your children out and away from a victim mentality. If your family has a history of abusive relatives, you can be the one to put an end to this generational curse.

• Frustrated wives.You can commit to living honorably regardless of your circumstances. (I do not suggest becoming a doormat.) But I've learned that when I respond honorably and take the time to research the wisest course of action, God empowers me to have a healthier influence with my husband and children.
  An old friend of mine, whom I met in a twelve-step program, once told me that when his wife began to have sane and sound reactions to his insanity, he could no longer blame her for his behavior. He could only see himself, and he didn't like what he saw. Ladies, you can take this to the bank. Simple. Not easy.

• Mothers with rebellious teens. After years of fighting with my oldest son, I finally learned that when I maintained integrity throughout highly emotional conversations, he always apologized for his behavior the next day.
  Eventually, he grew tired of apologizing. Embarrassed by his behavior, he made an effort to mimic my patterns of conflict-resolution. He followed me out of dysfunctional conflict.

This is not a book you should read straight through over a short period of time. Take time to reflect on each quality. Confess to God where you fall short and ask Him for help. Thank Him for the areas where you are strong. Healing requires an honest inventory of our strengths and weaknesses.

If your heart is broken, if you're overwhelmed with pain and confusion, I'm no stranger to the causes of despair. Acquire professional help if you need it. Keep in constant contact with God. Meditate on a few Scriptures that give you hope. Continue reading these blogs. And character build. God has good plans for you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29: 11). In the end, your character will determine how you handle all the good that comes your way.

P.S. Progress, not perfection.

Mary has a way of lifting my feet off the floor with her writing. Sometimes it's tempting to view our Christian testimonies as old trophies to be taken off the shelf and shined up to "WOW" a group of people who can't imagine life without the challenges that "by the grace of God" we never struggled with again.

Thin Places is a beautiful reminder that our stories should be an integral part of not only leading others to Christ, but inspiring them to follow Him through the guts-and-glory journey of overcoming the hellish wounds and insecurities that reside in their very own hearts.

For more information, please visit www.marydemuth.com