Hi ladies! On my way home from work the other day, I thanked God for all that He's done in my heart and realized that regardless of  the circumstances that wound me, when I go to Him with an honest heart, tell Him how I really feel (no matter the intensity of the emotion), and then spend some quiet time with Him; healing always comes. Always. Sometimes quickly, other times slowly. But always and with freedom.

Isaiah 61: 1 tells us that Christ came to bind up the broken-hearted and set captives free. He cares about your today.

When I began confessing how I felt about a past betrayal, Christ comforted me. And in the midst of comforting me, I became aware of my destructive reactions to the betrayal. I didn't like what I saw. Yes, it was only natural for righteous anger to follow the betrayal, but my anger was not confessed and quickly turned into something unrighteous: I expressed my pain by screaming at my children, who did nothing to hurt me. Make sense?

When I came clean (got honest with) God. He cleansed me. That's when healing really began, and my feet were firmly placed on the road to freedom. Freedom from feelings that were expressed at all the wrong times, with all the wrong people, in all the wrong places. 

Take some time today and ask yourself: How do I really feel about [fill in the blank], and do those feelings own me? If yes, consider telling God. He knows anyway. He's waiting to heal you, beautiful you. But He will wait for an invitation--the idea of that is healing in and of itself. Christ will never bully you.

My darkest hour does not represent a day in time, when something horrible happened to me on earth. (The spiritual realm, from which healing flows, is not bound to physical time and space.)

"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends; With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."(2 Peter 3:8 NIV)

My darkest hour represents the darkest place in my heart--that has despaired. A place where I do not see my Father's heart toward me.  No breakthroughs for you, Wendy. You'll never get past that incident. Part of me believes the lie, even though most of me knows better.

And so, it is I who leaves a part of my heart withering in the dark. Not God, who's always reaching for me with loving arms. He longs to pull me out of the pit that has deceived me into believing that any particular darkness could overshadow divine Light. Over and over, the pit whispers, "Avenge yourself, protect yourself!"

But Light whispers too. He tells me what to pray. "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief." (Mark 9:24 NIV) And in that moment, Light pierces me. I am re-wounded. The blood of an unhealed wound is absorbed in the blood of Christ. I am consecrated and suddenly, all things are possible in Him. (Matthew 9:26 NIV)

And just like that, an incident that hurt for a thousand years, is put in its rightful place--a day. What I gained from my experience with God will last an eternity.

Question: If you have something in your heart that you don't trust God with, will you consider going to Him and telling Him how you feel? Close with this beautiful prayer, "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief."

When I draw closer to the Savior, I discover more of Him and me. He literally begins to show me things about myself I never knew. According to Jeremiah 1:5, He knew us before we were formed in our mother's wombs. 

Since I began following Christ, I have learned that I am a writer, speaker, minister, total dog lover (all animals really, but especially dogs), I will fight for my family, I won't quit five minutes before the miracle, if I was having the worst day of my life and noticed you sitting on a curb having the worst day of yours, I would sit next to you and talk about the unfailing love of God until we both felt better. And that if you needed to smoke a cigarette while sitting next to me on that curb, I wouldn't mind. 

Have you discovered new things about yourself since you started following Christ? Maybe it's something exciting and fun, or maybe for the first time in your life, you are willing to face the pain and really heal. Both can make you feel as if God just dropped you into a lake to reveal that you can swim.

What are you waiting for? Ask Him who you were created to be and soon you'll smile and say, "Hey, I never knew that about myself!"

And by the way,  as I write, "I'm walking my talk."

First, we need Scripture. The word of God is a light for us when all other lights go out. In other words, when we're too hurt or confused to respond to Bible studies or church sermons; we can simply hold fast to a godly promise. Meditate on it and speak it aloud several times a day.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV)

Now for that "layer" that has reared its ugly head. Forget about onions for a minute and let's switch analogies. My brother used to live in Brooklyn, New York, in what is referred to as a railroad-apartment. Railroad-apartments are structured so that one room follows right after another; similiar to trains.

I've learned over the years that when I find myself facing an issue that I have already experienced freedom from, it doesn't mean that I didn't heal. It means that the Spirit of the Lord (who sees into the depths of my heart) has set me free enough to move on to the next room in my heart. It's time to go deeper. I don't know about you, but initially I don't see this as a rah-rah, praise God!-moment (though it is). Initially I'm uncomfortable and irritable. Picture God's little princess walking around with a crooked tiara on her head and her dress caught in her panties.

It lasts a few days until the Scripture I've been meditating on sheds light on what's happening to me and it's always a heart issue.

My brother once told me that  every resentment has a basement and an attic. What if that's true? What if the same is true for our wounds? If you have experienced a miracle in your heart, but once again the old pain is knocking on the door, don't be too quick to ignore it or pray it away. Ask Jesus if it's Him whose knocking. Not to rehash something old--but rather to increase the depth of healing in your heart and expand your territory of freedom.

It really is a Rah-Rah, Praise God!-moment.

Ask yourself:

1. Do I stop and pray about whether or not God wants me to participate in a particular program?

If God says yes, then you better do it, even if you don't want to. If He says no, then stay home, even if your friends tell you it's just what you need to heal. Learn to follow His lead.

2. Do I spend time alone with God and communicate how I really feel?

If you're mad, tell Him. He knows anyway. God's big and He can take it. We cannot overcome what we deny.

Here's an exercise: Think back to the last conversation you had with a friend about how frustrated, hurt, lonely, confused, (fill in the blank) you are. Have you had a similar conversation with God?

If the thought of speaking those things aloud is too overwhelming, journal. Take a spiral notebook and write on the cover:

Dear God,

This is what I REALLY think and this is how I REALLY feel!

their comments make perfect sense. As you can see, there is a list of categories you can now choose from. I'm not sure how it came about. It was never a decision I made, it just evolved into something more than a ministry exclusively for women who have been sexually abused.

And the reality is, my testimony, which can be read in my book The Jonah Chronicles, is about so much more than overcoming the effects of child sexual abuse. The truth is, many bad choices were made from the depravity of my childhood, long after the abuse had ended. And with those choices, came an incredible amount of dysfunction. 

I recently shared my testimony with a Celebrate Recovery group and just before I was introduced, I read the list of "hang ups" listed on the program handout:

alcoholism, divorce, sexual abuse, codependency, domestic violence, drug addiction, sexual addiction, over/under eating, gambling, overworking, abandonment, anxiety, anger, depression,perfectionist, fear, lying, overspending, abused/abuser, grief, insecurity, guilt, loneliness, financial struggles, relationship problems, slave to something, too busy, frustrated, and or lost.

Wow. My life has been affected by every hang-up on that list, with the exception of gambling, unless you count getting involved with a drug addict and thinking I could keep him clean. It's mind boggling really, how Christ came into my heart and began to unravel the layers of crazy over my life; some of it self-inflicted, though certainly not all.   

There are many circumstances that can make a woman feel desperate and overwhelmed. Most of us were not hurt by one neat little topic at a time and most of us don't heal that way either. Damage and the redemption of it have a way of spilling over into more than one area of our lives. And so, you'll find that blog topics will vary.

The goal for all of us is to follow the Savior's lead. He may lead us into a healing process over abuse for several months, and then turn our attention to something else for a while. It's a process...a journey really, and He decides on the scenery from one day to the next, not us.

The longer I held His hand on the journey to healing, the less concerned I became about "healing." Christ slowly became the sought after prize in my life and one day I looked up and I was no longer bound to that long list of hang-ups...by then my freedom was in knowing who He created me to be.

Spend some time with God today...alone. I don't offer you easy steps to healing, but I will validate you, comfort you, equip you from personal experience, and honor you along the way. Your journey to healing may look completely different than mine, but we share the same Healer. Follow Him into your own destiny.

And you my friend, will have a story to tell!

I've made several attempts to write this week...to no avail. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but it also requires a little more of my time: to bake, fellowship with loved ones, and to snuggle up with my youngest son and watch movies. My friend, Carrie, has a son who used to refer to those moments as "cuddle-uh-zations." Don't you love that?

I was going to write early this morning, but I found myself sitting in front of my fireplace with two adorable labs at my feet and my Bible in my lap. I sang, I prayed, I read, I listened, I napped. I guess you could say that God and I had a "cuddle-uh-zation." 

When I encourage you to go deeper, you can rest assured that God continues to tap me on the shoulder and take me deeper too. And in the midst of everything wonderful about the Christmas season, He did just that this morning.

I often pray that God will expand my territory in ministry. Today He led me to Isaiah 26:15;

"You have increased the nation, O Lord, You have increased the nation; You are glorified; You have expanded all the borders of the land."

Beautiful isn't it? But once again, God is showing me that before physical territory can be expanded, the territory in our hearts must first be expanded by Him. For me, going deeper is always uncomfortable. But I am willing to follow the Savior and I pray that you are too. We're in this together!

How about you? Has God tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to spend more time alone with Him? You may not be praying to cover more territory in ministry, but maybe you would like to be more effective in your workplace or in personal relationships. If you feel in your spirit that it's time to be still, then He will bless your obedience.

Often times, we want the blessing, but we aren't willing to take the time it requires with Him to be prepared to receive it. We must ask Him to prioritize each day, allowing for time alone with Him. I know it's challenging. Last night I missed a dinner party that I was really looking forward to. The sitter got sick and no one else was available. I could have gone without my husband, but I didn't have peace about it. So I stayed home and realized how much we needed to be home last night. (Of course, God already knew that!)

But it is written:

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of
man,
The things which God has
prepared for those who love
Him."

But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-10 NKJV)

It was a strange request to a single mother at her wits end. But looking back I can see that my response opened the door to the great journey of trusting God.

I was instructed to make a list and then read it to a woman who had graciously agreed to mentor me. 

I need God to:

1. Keep His promises
2. Never lie to me
3. Never leave me
4. Never hurt me
5. Love me unconditionally
6. Value me
7. Be available to me
8. Free me from harmful relationships
9. Heal me
10. Protect me
11. Fulfill my heart's desire for a loving husband and a healthy family

There you have it. What I wanted with a winning lottery ticket. I called her back and we reviewed my list. Most of my requests were what I had needed from my parents as a child. It frightened me to be so vulnerable before God.

She told me to start praying to the God of my list. I was confused. I felt like I had two gods--one who loved me and one who hated me, and the feeling was mutual. "Pray to the God who loves you. Are you willing to believe that He can take you further than your circumstances?"

It was a desperate time in my life...My best idea was driving off of a bridge. I hung up the phone, willing to pray. What did I have to lose? I put the baby down for the nap he still hadn't taken since birth, got still, and after a long period of awkward silence, I prayed. I prayed for lasting change. I prayed that I would heal. I prayed that the baby would sleep. And I believed. I was too desperate to doubt.

That was ten years ago. God has since made Himself known to me in ways that by far surpass what I listed that day. My family is not perfect. But we are healing and we love each other. God's smile is upon us. And His mercy is made new each morning.

If you struggle to trust God, your first step to trusting will be confessing the reality of where you are. Even if it's, "I can't trust, but I want to want to." If you were lost in your car, you wouldn't lie about your location if the person you called for direction asked, "Where are you now?"

So my question to you if you're feeling lost is, "Where are you now and what do you need from God to feel found?" Make a list and tell Him. You can even go to the contact page, reference the title of this post and tell me.