Several years ago when my now-husband, then-boyfriend was drug addicted, he had a habit of lying even when it wasn't "necessary." I had a sponsor at the time whom I called regularly for guidance.

One day I called her to complain about "Mr. Rights" habitual lying and she said, "He's on drugs--of course he lies. You know this about him and yet you choose to live with him. He's just doing what drug addicts do. What are you doing? You claim to be rich in integrity, and yet you're clearly willing to live with a man who for tragic reasons cannot be honest. What does this say about YOU?"

Ouch . . . double ouch! She was right. In case you're wondering why I bring attention to such a sobering reality, it's because of a scripture I came across this morning:

Psalm 120:1-2

"In my distress I cried to the Lord, and He heard me. Deliver my soul, O Lord, from lying lips and from a deceitful tongue."

It's easy to think of someone else, anyone but myself when I read this verse. With all the love in my heart, I must tell you: I did not heal until I became willing to take an honest look at myself. I was victimized as a child, no doubt about it. I didnt' have a choice. But in this case, I was the victim of a choice I'd made (including my willingness to live with a man who was not my husband.)

I thank God everyday that He is merciful and desires for me to have victory over both scenarios. He desires the same for you. So, if by chance today's post "ruffles your feathers," know that I write to you with the best of intentions. My sponsor infuriated me on a regular basis, but know what? God used her to humble me and heal me on a deeper level than I ever thought possible. I want that--and even more for you!

Are you willing to ask God to reveal the areas where you deceive yourself? You cannot change another human being. You can however, own up to the changes that need to be made in you. God is happy to oblige.

Last week I sensed God saying, "Draw near to Me, and I will draw near to you." I assumed it was a summons for a longer period of quiet time with Him. I asked my husband how he felt about me booking a hotel room so I could pray and write with no interruptions. He agreed. He's very gracious!

Arrangements were made for our son to go home with a friend after school. My plans to draw near to the Lord were in place. While preparing my son's lunch for the next day, I discovered we were out of bread.

"Zach, do you want to buy your lunch tomorrow?"

"I will, but the lines are so long it doesn't leave much time to eat. Will you have lunch with me? You could stop by Sonic."

I have two sons who no longer live at home. I know how fast children grow. So, I ditched my hotel plans and decided to draw near to the Lord from home, after our lunch date. The next day, as I drove to Sonic I saw that a precious cat had been hit by a car. It had happened in front of the mobile home park, a bus route for an elementary school. She didn't survive. Things like this rock my world. I love animals. I feel sad when squirrels die.

All I could think of was how that cat was someones pet. Most likely the pet of a child who would be stepping off a bus in just a few hours. I didn't want the children to be traumatized. And then I heard it--the still, small voice inside my heart: After lunch with Zach, go home and get the shovel. Bury the cat, and protect the children's hearts.

"What?! You want me to get the shovel? I can't do that. What about MY heart? I'll be traumatized for days. I love animals. You know this, God. You made me this way."

But it was too late. I was compelled. Compelled for a precious animal who deserved to be buried. Compelled for the hearts of elementary-school-aged children. 

I thought of the scripture posted on the homepage of my website. "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him and I am helped; therefore my heart greatly rejoices, and with my song [story] I will praise Him." (Psalm 28:7 NKJV)

"Okay, God. I know You wouldn't ask me to do something without giving me the strength to do it, but in this case, I need You to shield my heart, too, otherwise I'll cry all day. I absolutely cannot do this if You don't shield my heart."

I did it. I gave that sweet animal a proper burial, thanked God for the joy she'd brought her owners, and prayed for the ones who would grieve the loss of a family pet. I drove away and cried. I cried on and off for about thirty minutes and then resolved to do the grocery shopping. I was at peace. On the way home, I drove past the mobile home park, children were stepping off the bus.

I realized in that moment, I'd drawn near to God--He to me. Not in a hotel room; sipping hot tea and reading the Bible at my leisure, but on a busy street, with tears and sweat stinging my eyes; obedient--in spite of the pain.

When we face something painful with complete dependency on the Lord, we draw near to Him on a deeper level and He to us.

Deep calls unto deep. (Psalm 42:7)

How about you? Are you facing an opportunity to receive His strength and His shield? Trust Him.

Reflection:How often does God reach through me with a desire to shield another? How often do I listen and obey?

(from my archives)

There was a time in my life when I could only focus on the person who hurt me. In 2000, that person was my drug-addicted (now clean, sober, and wonderful) husband, Michael. We had just separated, and I struggled to raise a baby and two school-aged sons on my own. If I wasn't talking about him, I was thinking about him. I had a sponsor at the time who would say, "Wendy, Michael takes up so much space in your head you should charge him rent!"

She always got straight to the point. I loved her boldness, though it infuriated me at times (mostly because she was right). I could whine about Michael for fifteen minutes before she'd stop me and say, "We can talk about Michael all day but it won't get you any closer to the truth or the solution."

She knew the solution woud come when I asked God to reveal more of Himself as I practiced keeping my eyes on my own life. It was a hard truth in the beginning. My husband's choices were much more destructive than mine, and I knew, just knew that if he would listen to me he could see the error of his ways, clean up, and rejoin our family. But it didn't happen that way.

My circumstances didn't shift until I determined to keep my eyes on my own life. As they say in twelve-step programs: I kept my side of the street clean. He continued to use drugs. I continued to ask God to reveal more of Himself to me, and He faithfully began to heal me from the inside out. I slowly gained freedom from co-dependancy. And when that happened, my husband received eyes to see his destructive behavior. Why? Because when I stopped acting like a crazy person, his own crazy behavior became obvious.

In summary, when one crazy person accuses another crazy person of being crazy, no one gets better. No one gets better because no one is focused on the solution. But it only takes one sane person to change the atmosphere in a home. So take God's hand and start with yourself. That is the solution. Simple, yet not easy. I'm here to support you in the process.

Where is your focus? Are you caught up in the mental gymnastics of meditating on another person's destructive behavior? Are you willing to humbly ask God to reveal your own destructive behavior?

"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the speck in your own?" (Matthew 7:3)

When we listen to what God has to say about our own hearts and do what He says, even when it's hard, we find freedom. "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32 NKJV)

Another time he went into the synagogue, and a man with a withered hand was there. Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the withered hand, "Stand up in front of everyone."

Then Jesus asked them, "Which is lawful on the Sabbath; to do good or do evil, to save life or kill?" But they remained silent.

He looked around at them in anger and deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. (Mark3:1-6 NIV)

When I read this story, I cant help but think that if the man had refused to extend his damaged hand, he would have missed the miracle of restoration, even with the Healer present. Instead, he became willing to die to the belief that it was unlawful to be healed on the Sabbath. He stretched out his hand and received, but his restoration cost him an old belief.

The Pharisees relied on their laws for protection. Rules made them feel safe and in control of their environment. It's human nature to try and manipulate the environment of our healing processes. But when quick emotional fixes take the place of going to Jesus with a transparent heart, we refuse our own repair.

What about you? Do you need to die to an old belief to receive the miracle of restoration? Here are a few examples of what I mean:

• I need a drink to cope with what I'm feeling
• I need a new dress to feel good about myself
• I need to be in a relationship to feel loved
• I need to be sarcastic to protect my heart
• I need (fill in the blank)

Now may be a good time to remind you that "There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." (Romans 8:1 NKJV)

If you're not ready to give up shopping for a new dress when you're feeling insecure, then confess to Jesus what you're about to do and invite Him to come with. I know it may sound a little crazy, but you might be surprised by the outcome.

When I was a single mother, I once locked myself in the bathroom and asked God to calm my nerves the way "I knew for a fact--a glass of vodka would." Guess what? He did.

I encourage you to extend your hand to Jesus. The hand that holds the drink, the dress, the hand of someone new that you will expect to fill the God-shaped hole in your heart...we all have a withered hand that is in desperate need of restoring. We must die to the belief that what we hold in that hand will rescue us.