Zooming around on facebook, a friends favorite quotation got my attention. Something his father once said to him. "When you want to stop hurting yourself, you will."

There was a time in my life when I hurt myself, a lot. I gravitated toward people who hurt me, a lot. I participated in a twelve-step program at the time and my sponsor would say, "Wendy, if you go looking for pain, you'll find it every time."

She was right. In the thick of co-dependency, I checked my boyfriends pockets daily. I was a snooper on steroids. It didn't occur to me that by snooping, I was looking for pain. I was blind to the reality that my willingness to be romantically involved with someone entangled in addiction, was me choosing to hurt myself.

I've experienced every imaginable stage of looking for pain and hurting oneself. Therefore, I'm familiar with the varying degrees of offense this can stir up in someone whose not ready to consider this reality. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I won't push.

If you ARE ready to consider this reality, then you my friend, are readier than you know for what it takes to heal. Which is to do something--anything, different. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." --Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin (it's debatable.)

What are you willing to do differently today? Pick ONE thing. Here are a few suggestions:

• Seek counseling.
• Refuse to feed the monster of co-dependency (no more snooping) You're either willing to live with an addict or not. If you are, then you are not a victim. You're signing up for all the destruction that it brings into your life. If you're not, then DON'T. Separate, and then re-visit being together when Addiction is no longer lord over your loved one.
• Exercise. It relieves stress.
• Do something that nurtures You. Eat healthy. Pray. Set aside five minutes each day to just breath deeply.

This may be hard to believe, but big change comes from the small changes we make along the way. As you begin to value yourself more, your decision making will become healthier for you and your loved ones.

In John 5:6 Jesus asked a crippled man, "Do you want to be made well?"

Jesus' reply to the mans, "yes," was "Rise, take up your bed and walk."

Walk. Take baby steps if you must, but walk. One day at a time. One step at a time. And when you are made well, you'll inspire others to do the same.

Question: What behavior or action do you repeat over and over, as you expect different results?

I began to heal on the inside when I decided to set aside time each day to sit quietly before God. I didn't read or study my bible during this time. Initially I didn't say much. I just sat in my bedroom closet after inviting the presence of God to transform me.

After a while, I got angry. So I told God I was angry. With others. With Him. Later, I felt sad. So I told God how sad I was. Sad that I'd been hurt so badly. Sad that He allowed it. With every confession I became increasingly aware of how comforting He is.

I began to look forward to my time with God. I needed it. I sensed that I was changing on the inside, though I couldn't identify how, which freed me from trying to control the process. And then one day, in the presence of Unfailing, Unconditional Love, my eyes were opened to my destructive re-actions to abuse and betrayal. How I treated the ones I loved the most. How I treated myself. I didn't like what I saw. So I did what I'd been doing all along. I told God. I confessed. Then I asked Him to forgive me. And He did.

Not long afterwards, God prompted me to forgive the people who'd hurt me. For the first time in my life, I had it to give. It felt good to forgive. Healing and forgiveness is an "inside job." I think too many people begin on the outside. That never worked for me. Pointing a finger, telling everyone but God, what so and so did to hurt me--how I feel about them. It only muddied the water in my own heart. A heart that held a well of pain as deep as betrayal and wide as abuse. 

God sent His Son to save us AND heal us. Jesus is very interested in healing us on the inside. In Matthew 23:26, He tells us to "first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be made clean." And that's how it worked (and still works) for me.

Counselors are wonderful. I went to counseling, too. But be mindful not to join the drowning--who only describe the water--over, and over, and over.

When we commit to spending time alone with God and invite His presence into our pain, Living Water pours into the muddied waters of our hearts. Over time, the water becomes clear and we see our own need for forgiveness. That's how we heal from the inside. And that's how we forgive from our hearts.

Are you ready to begin? All you have to do in the beginning is show up. From there, simply respond to Him. You can't screw it up.

Later that evening, the Lord revealed that I often share a similar mind-set regarding my emotional wounds. I want to heal, but I don't want Him to touch the wound if it will intensify the pain. If you've ever cleaned dirt and grass out of a skinned knee, then you know that necessary cleansing processes can be quite painful.

On the outside, you see me study my bible. You hear me pray. I may even send out a prayer request or two. But on the inside, my heart cries out, "Don't touch me!" Like a child, I want really cool band-aids, but Jesus is more interested in my boo-boos. My favorite boo-boo scripture is Jeremiah 6:14: "They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. 'Peace, peace,' they say, when there is no peace."

The Great Physician sent His Son to save and heal. Neither can be received apart from a humble confession coupled with a sincere invitation. If you've invited Jesus into your heart, perhaps it's time to invite Him into your pain. It begins with an honest confession: Jesus, my best friend in the whole world has betrayed me. I'm angry and my heart is broken. I want my friend to hurt the way I do! (Yes, you can be that transparent.) He already knows what you're thinking. We cannot overcome what we deny--so fess up. In the 55th Psalm, King David told God that he wanted the friend who betrayed him to be buried alive! Now for the invitation: Jesus, You are welcome in this painful place. I lay my road-map to healing at Your feet and submit to whatever You have in mind. You know what is best for me.

Often times, He has counseling or a specific church program in mind. But in addition to those processes, I've learned that He uses everyday circumstances to cleanse my wounds. I can be in my car when a song plays on the radio that reminds me of that day. The day my best friend in the whole world betrayed me. It's instinctual for me to have one of two reactions: Listen to the song and make myself miserable, or change the station and switch thoughts. (Stuff the pain.) Neither reaction brings freedom.

Here's a healthier reaction: Jesus, that song reminds me of that day. You know the one. It was horrible and hurtful. If you want me to continue listening and cry my eyes out at Your feet, I will. But if it's best to change the station, I'll do that. I will do want YOU want me to do. I invite You into my pain.

Now it's your turn. Can you think of a time when Jesus used an ordinary circumstance to cleanse the wounds in your heart? What was your reaction? Did you communicate with Him or attempt to administer your own first-aid? Let's face it ladies, our big-girl band-aids can be anything from shoes to Chardonnay. I encourage you today to be on the look-out for opportunities to be comforted by the God of all comfort. It is the very presence of God that ultimately heals our wounds. Humble confessions position us to receive freedom. Do you trust Him with your boo-boos?

Is your Savior--your Healer?

"Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (2 Corinthians 3:17 NKJV).

That was Gilbert's explanation for vowing to remain celibate in Italy. It got me thinking of the times in my life when I leaned too heavily on people for comfort and ignored God's outstretched arms. Yes, yes, people are important, but not omnipresent.

Why is it so hard to sit still with God and feel the pain? We have mastered the art of praying: "Please, God, take the pain away"; neglecting to tell Him where it hurts and why it hurts. If you had a broken leg, you wouldn't forget to mention it to the doctor. You wouldn't hobble in and ask Him to prescribe something for pain relief without first allowing him to set the broken bone so it CAN heal.

In my experience, pain is a tunnel. I no longer bother asking God to cut a hole in the top of the tunnel to get me the heck out. I take His hand, and we walk through together. When I can't walk, He carries me. I hurt in His arms until I don't hurt anymore. And when we come out on the other side, it is then that I realize He used that time to heal so much more than what I originally believed to be broken.

Give it a try. Start with small increments of time and describe your pain to the Great Physician. Confess the ways you self-medicate. Take His hand. Sit with Him. And Truth will set you free.

"Be still, and know that I am God . . ." (Psalm 46:10 NKJV).

I have it about half together. My friend's funeral was Tuesday morning. The funeral was beautiful and sad. Adelea wrote a song for her girls and a friend sang it. I play it over and over in my mind. At the burial, everyone got a balloon and we released them all at once. The girls squealed with delight at the idea of sending balloons to heaven for Mommy.

Wednesday morning I stayed in bed with my two dogs and watched the Biography channel. My husband asked me what I had to eat that day and I actually said: Two cups of coffee, one coke, one and a half Eskimo pies, and some left over nachos. Can you relate? Please tell me you can relate.

I'm trying to be strong. Trying to be powerful. But at the moment, I'm simply a very sad Christian woman who refuses to go the gym even though I know it would make me feel better . . . physically. My Savior knows I'm sad. He sees inside my heart. He knows when I will go to the gym and quit eating junk food.

Some weeks are just like this. They pass. They always pass. Meanwhile, when I tell my husband I love him, I say it with tears in my eyes. I know how much he means to me. I know how much my children mean to me. I know how blessed we are to have each other. I know that the same loving Savior who holds me as I grieve, holds my friend's husband and precious girls. And that is the only guarantee we have in this life. No matter what we go through, we are never alone and we are held by the Divine.

Thank You, Jesus, that we are never alone. You hold us when we can't stop crying, can't sleep, would rather watch TV in our pajamas than exercise, and wait expectantly to smile again.

P.S. I hate cancer.

I'm back, sort of . . . My friend's funeral is tomorrow morning. I've realized over the last week that grief is like water; it comes in waves. One minute I laugh and life feels normal, the next I'm in tears.  And for someone who is always talking to God, I've been quiet. I still read my Bible, but I've been at a loss for words. Mostly I kneel for a period of time without saying anything. It's comforting just to know Who it is I kneel before.

Then I find something to paint. I've always been that way. When life circumstances remind me that none of us are in control of our own destiny's, at least I can change the color of my bedroom walls. So that's what I've been doing--painting. And crying, laughing, doing my best at work to relieve my clients physical pain, and praying for you, hoping you don't feel forgotten because I've been too sad to write. And that's what my life looks like for now.

One thing is certain, I'm grateful for the ability to go to work when I'm sad and for the willingness to give myself space to grieve. I didn't try to be Wonder woman. I slowed down and allowed others to take care of me. God did that for me.

How about you? How do you handle grief?

Hi ladies! On my way home from work the other day, I thanked God for all that He's done in my heart and realized that regardless of  the circumstances that wound me, when I go to Him with an honest heart, tell Him how I really feel (no matter the intensity of the emotion), and then spend some quiet time with Him; healing always comes. Always. Sometimes quickly, other times slowly. But always and with freedom.

Isaiah 61: 1 tells us that Christ came to bind up the broken-hearted and set captives free. He cares about your today.

When I began confessing how I felt about a past betrayal, Christ comforted me. And in the midst of comforting me, I became aware of my destructive reactions to the betrayal. I didn't like what I saw. Yes, it was only natural for righteous anger to follow the betrayal, but my anger was not confessed and quickly turned into something unrighteous: I expressed my pain by screaming at my children, who did nothing to hurt me. Make sense?

When I came clean (got honest with) God. He cleansed me. That's when healing really began, and my feet were firmly placed on the road to freedom. Freedom from feelings that were expressed at all the wrong times, with all the wrong people, in all the wrong places. 

Take some time today and ask yourself: How do I really feel about [fill in the blank], and do those feelings own me? If yes, consider telling God. He knows anyway. He's waiting to heal you, beautiful you. But He will wait for an invitation--the idea of that is healing in and of itself. Christ will never bully you.

And by the way,  as I write, "I'm walking my talk."

First, we need Scripture. The word of God is a light for us when all other lights go out. In other words, when we're too hurt or confused to respond to Bible studies or church sermons; we can simply hold fast to a godly promise. Meditate on it and speak it aloud several times a day.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17 NIV)

Now for that "layer" that has reared its ugly head. Forget about onions for a minute and let's switch analogies. My brother used to live in Brooklyn, New York, in what is referred to as a railroad-apartment. Railroad-apartments are structured so that one room follows right after another; similiar to trains.

I've learned over the years that when I find myself facing an issue that I have already experienced freedom from, it doesn't mean that I didn't heal. It means that the Spirit of the Lord (who sees into the depths of my heart) has set me free enough to move on to the next room in my heart. It's time to go deeper. I don't know about you, but initially I don't see this as a rah-rah, praise God!-moment (though it is). Initially I'm uncomfortable and irritable. Picture God's little princess walking around with a crooked tiara on her head and her dress caught in her panties.

It lasts a few days until the Scripture I've been meditating on sheds light on what's happening to me and it's always a heart issue.

My brother once told me that  every resentment has a basement and an attic. What if that's true? What if the same is true for our wounds? If you have experienced a miracle in your heart, but once again the old pain is knocking on the door, don't be too quick to ignore it or pray it away. Ask Jesus if it's Him whose knocking. Not to rehash something old--but rather to increase the depth of healing in your heart and expand your territory of freedom.

It really is a Rah-Rah, Praise God!-moment.

Ask yourself:

1. Do I stop and pray about whether or not God wants me to participate in a particular program?

If God says yes, then you better do it, even if you don't want to. If He says no, then stay home, even if your friends tell you it's just what you need to heal. Learn to follow His lead.

2. Do I spend time alone with God and communicate how I really feel?

If you're mad, tell Him. He knows anyway. God's big and He can take it. We cannot overcome what we deny.

Here's an exercise: Think back to the last conversation you had with a friend about how frustrated, hurt, lonely, confused, (fill in the blank) you are. Have you had a similar conversation with God?

If the thought of speaking those things aloud is too overwhelming, journal. Take a spiral notebook and write on the cover:

Dear God,

This is what I REALLY think and this is how I REALLY feel!

As you can see, there is a list of categories you can now choose from. I'm not sure how it came about. It was never a decision I made, it just evolved into something more than a ministry exclusively for women who have been sexually abused.

And the reality is, my testimony, which can be read in my book The Jonah Chronicles, is about so much more than overcoming the effects of child sexual abuse. The truth is, many bad choices were made from the depravity of my childhood, long after the abuse had ended. And with those choices, came an incredible amount of dysfunction. 

I recently shared my testimony with a Celebrate Recovery group and just before I was introduced, I read the list of "hang ups" listed on the program handout:

alcoholism, divorce, sexual abuse, codependency, domestic violence, drug addiction, sexual addiction, over/under eating, gambling, overworking, abandonment, anxiety, anger, depression,perfectionist, fear, lying, overspending, abused/abuser, grief, insecurity, guilt, loneliness, financial struggles, relationship problems, slave to something, too busy, frustrated, and or lost.

Wow. My life has been affected by every hang-up on that list, with the exception of gambling, unless you count getting involved with a drug addict and thinking I could keep him clean. It's mind boggling really, how Christ came into my heart and began to unravel the layers of crazy over my life; some of it self-inflicted, though certainly not all.   

There are many circumstances that can make a woman feel desperate and overwhelmed. Most of us were not hurt by one neat little topic at a time and most of us don't heal that way either. Damage and the redemption of it have a way of spilling over into more than one area of our lives. And so, you'll find that blog topics will vary.

The goal for all of us is to follow the Savior's lead. He may lead us into a healing process over abuse for several months, and then turn our attention to something else for a while. It's a process...a journey really, and He decides on the scenery from one day to the next, not us.

The longer I held His hand on the journey to healing, the less concerned I became about "healing." Christ slowly became the sought after prize in my life and one day I looked up and I was no longer bound to that long list of hang-ups...by then my freedom was in knowing who He created me to be.

Spend some time with God today...alone. I don't offer you easy steps to healing, but I will validate you, comfort you, equip you from personal experience, and honor you along the way. Your journey to healing may look completely different than mine, but we share the same Healer. Follow Him into your own destiny.

And you my friend, will have a story to tell!

We often project the character of who caused our wounds, onto the character of God.You may have been taught that we most commonly do this with how we experienced our parents. But it's bigger than that. The love of God is multifaceted. He is the perfect parent, friend, authority figure, etc. Regardless of where our wounds originate, if left unconfessed--and therfore  unhealed, they skew our perception of the nature of God. If you've been hurt in church or by a Christian in a leadership position, it complicates the matter.

Often times we don't realize that we project these experiences onto God, even as we seek Him. When this happens, our Christian walk begins to orbit around an unhealed wound and a skewed concept of the character of God develops. That's why many Christians believe that on some level they must earn God's love or get their lives in order before they can experience His presence.

Until we confess our unbelief in these areas, as we look to Christ, we will not see His blood and the authentic work it did on the cross. We will only see the blood of our own wounds, which has no power; rendering us unhealed, and ineffective in the realm of discipleship to a world who projects its "Christian" wounds onto Christianity--a vicious cycle. I've done this.

I was hurt by a pastor when I was thirteen-years-old. It took me over twenty years to confess that wound to Christ. As Christians, how we treat people matters. Of course we make mistakes, but without confession, without the maturity required to discern the loving conviction of a Father who longs to forgive us, (and those who've sinned against us), we exhibit a dim reflection of the love of God.

We cannot give what we have not fully received. If you're mad at God, tell Him. He's big and He can take it. If you've been betrayed by a loved one, tell Him. If you're afraid that He won't be there for you on an issue you're convinced He has overlooked, tell Him. Tell Him. Tell Him.

Go to Him with a transparent heart. He sees inside your heart. He waits for our confessions. When we confess, we invite His power into that which has rendered us powerless. The truth, the beautiful truth rises in our hearts and we no longer sit in darkness.

Try it, you'll see. "And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free."

I've made several attempts to write this week...to no avail. Christmas is my favorite time of year, but it also requires a little more of my time: to bake, fellowship with loved ones, and to snuggle up with my youngest son and watch movies. My friend, Carrie, has a son who used to refer to those moments as "cuddle-uh-zations." Don't you love that?

I was going to write early this morning, but I found myself sitting in front of my fireplace with two adorable labs at my feet and my Bible in my lap. I sang, I prayed, I read, I listened, I napped. I guess you could say that God and I had a "cuddle-uh-zation." 

When I encourage you to go deeper, you can rest assured that God continues to tap me on the shoulder and take me deeper too. And in the midst of everything wonderful about the Christmas season, He did just that this morning.

I often pray that God will expand my territory in ministry. Today He led me to Isaiah 26:15;

"You have increased the nation, O Lord, You have increased the nation; You are glorified; You have expanded all the borders of the land."

Beautiful isn't it? But once again, God is showing me that before physical territory can be expanded, the territory in our hearts must first be expanded by Him. For me, going deeper is always uncomfortable. But I am willing to follow the Savior and I pray that you are too. We're in this together!

How about you? Has God tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to spend more time alone with Him? You may not be praying to cover more territory in ministry, but maybe you would like to be more effective in your workplace or in personal relationships. If you feel in your spirit that it's time to be still, then He will bless your obedience.

Often times, we want the blessing, but we aren't willing to take the time it requires with Him to be prepared to receive it. We must ask Him to prioritize each day, allowing for time alone with Him. I know it's challenging. Last night I missed a dinner party that I was really looking forward to. The sitter got sick and no one else was available. I could have gone without my husband, but I didn't have peace about it. So I stayed home and realized how much we needed to be home last night. (Of course, God already knew that!)

But it is written:

"Eye has not seen, nor ear heard,
Nor have entered into the heart of
man,
The things which God has
prepared for those who love
Him."

But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes, the deep things of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-10 NKJV)

The heart is the place where we experience the full width and depth of life. We dream our wildest dreams, protect our most private secrets, and root our deepest loves. Holding such treasures, your heart is not only valuable and purposeful, but it is also vulnerable. It is here that you experience the most intense joy and absorb the most horrific pain.

All of the issues of life flow out of the heart. If it matters to you, know that it has flowed through your heart. Your heart processes every significant  event in your life, both positive and negative: tender first love, great accomplishment, destructive words, damaging abuse. The heart can be wounded, seemingly beyond repair, be driven by conviction, or become as hard as stone.

Why would God create our heart to be so tender and yet allow it to be exposed to such and intense variety of life experiences? A fully-lived life requires a fully-experienced life. Without both joy and sorrow, we cannot fully appreciate any one experience.

For life to be fully lived, it must be experienced in every extreme. The extent to which we are capable of experiencing great disappointment and pain is also the extent to which we have the capacity to know the greatest joy. God wired us for fullness and our hearts require full exposure in order for authentic life to flow.

While we would never choose the extreme moments, they are a part of the plan of God. God designed you to live from your heart. Created to manifest His glory on the earth, you were uniquely made for this moment in time. Hard-wired from the factory of heaven, you were meant to shine. Only when you live life from your heart, embracing all of life's experiences, will you experience the width, the depth, and the height of this great adventure with God.

As children, we were born with a spiritual compass that pointed to a personal and divine destiny. We knew there was a purpose. And we knew it in our hearts. Back then life was an adventure. We looked around every corner for the next exciting thing. We lived in wide-eyed wonder of what was next.

As adults, life usually turns into a series  of calculated risks. The adventure is removed and the expectation dies. We rein in our expectations, hopes, and dreams. We settle for, well...less.

We weren't meant to live this way. We weren't meant to live our lives with God as adults. Remember, we are children of God. We were created for adventure. We were intended to be daring, bold, fabulous...remarkable! We were meant to reflect the explosive life and dynamic creativity of our God, our Maker.

Sadly, most of us have grown up and given up. The life we were created for has died because somewhere along the way, we quit living--we stopped being kids. For some, it happened instantaneously in a traumatic event: abuse, molestation, or abandonment. For others, it happened over time. It was slow, almost painless. It wasn't a physical death, but something much more severe--spiritual death. However it happened, whenever it happened, whoever, or whatever caused it; we died.

How did it happen to you? When did you change? How old were you when your heart began to die? When did you decide it just wasn't worth the risk? Who or what wounded your heart? 



"Okay ladies. See what I mean? All heart. Please visit www.elevatehim.com today and order your copy of The Original Sanctuary. You'll find space in the book to journal. You can also view their interview on The Life Today show."

I didn't like John for two reasons. First, he was unethical. He had taken advantage of two people I like. (I could have said cheated because it involved money.) Second, he was what my dad called a blowhard: a lot of loud noise but no substance behind it.

A few months ago John and I were among two dozen teachers at a conference. Although I had no direct dealings with him, I was aware of his presence and realized how much I didn't like him. I began to pray daily for John. I reminded myself that it was the right thing to do.

Each morning I prayed to God to make him an honorable, ethical man. That continued for perhaps a month. One day I realized the obvious: What I disliked in John was what I disliked in myself. I want to be ethical, but I realized that sometimes my motives aren't pure. I do right things for wrong reasons, such as say something kind when I don't feel particularly sympathetic.

The other part of John probably bothered me even more: his loud, empty words. It's not that I'd call my words empty, but sometimes I'm boastful and arrogant. I call attention to myself or more often to my accomplishments.

Again, I prayed for John, but I also prayed for acceptance of the John-part inside of me. That went on for three or four months. And I want to be clear that John isn't the only person on my daily prayer list. I cried out to God for seven or eight people for different reasons, but all of them were spiritually deficient in some way.

Two mornings ago I realized something radically new--at least to me. I don't see myself as particularly insightful and it takes a while for me to grasp the obvious.

As I prayed for John and others, here's the message I grasped. John and all the others are creatures of God. They're loved by God because--okay, just because that's how God set it up. Again, obvious.

As long as I was critical of John, I was also critical of myself. It meant to me that there were still parts of myself that I hadn't accepted: parts of myself that I rejected or didn't like.

That insight led to the next bright light.: As long as I remained critical of others--that is, judgmental or accusing--I was being judgmental about myself. The more I accepted Jonh as lovable, the more I embraced myself.

This isn't to say I ignored his behavior, or that I won't stand up against evil, or that I shrug when anyone does anything wrong. It is to day that I realized this truth: my attitude toward others is an excellent measure of my own self-acceptance. The more self-loving, self-affirming I become, the more I'm able to affirm John and people like him. It also means the more I realize God's magnificent grace toward me.

I still pray for John. But now, instead of complaining because of his lack of ethics, I ask God to help John overcome his problems. Instead of criticizing him for his failures, I can honestly say I want him to be blessed and happy.

I had one further insight on how to look at this. Jesus' words in the New Testament tell us to love others (neighbors) as we love ourselves. The as means on the same level and it also implies loving ourselves first.

For me, that means when I criticize others, I see it as a symptom of my own lack of self-acceptance. The qualities and actions I criticize in others help me to see my own self-love level.

The more self-loving I become, the more I can extend that love to other individuals. "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Did Jesus have to give us the command to love others on the same level we love ourselves? Maybe not, because that's what we do.

 For a list of books written by Cecil Murphy or to sign up for his news letter, visit: www.cecilmurphy.com

Isaiah 58:12 "Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

I love to travel. One of my favorite destinations is old ruins, especially in England and France. Castles that used to stand tall and strong. Built on foundations made to last.

Due to the destructive forces of war and weather, many of these ruins have not been kept up, not restored. They have been laid waste by the ravages of time.

Just like a castle without upkeep and care, water and mold can seep into cracks in the foundation of families, into weaknesses created by holes in the walls. Eventually the structures collapse, especially if they are not tended to.

The Bible is clear about how the Lord feels about water seeping into the walls of families. "...For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments." (Exodus 20:5-7 NKJV)

This scripture gives a clear picture of God's purpose in allowing sin to visit and stay with a family as long as they enter in and not break the cycle.

In psychological terms, the Lord is talking about generational sin, those actions, beliefs, patterns, and behaviors inherent in families. Abuse, addictions, adultery, anger, rage, idolatry, money extremes, pride, rebellion, and sexual sin are just a few of the issues that become habitual if not dealt with in families.

Seeing family issues on paper can be helpful in the healing process. When I was in graduate school we diagramed family issues as an assignment, the good and the bad. By seeing patterns and behaviors on paper we got a clear picture of the generational issues being passed down in our own families.

God is clear about these issues. If not resolved and brought to the light, the Lord's healing power has no opportunity to work. A cycle of sin develops, embedded in the walls of the family castle. They are then passed down to the third and fourth generations. Just as a brick and mortar crumble in a castle, so, too, do foundations in a family fall.

Only with God's help can the ancient ruins be restored.

As a grandmother, I want to be a restorer of those walls--the one who heals and breaks the cycle of sin. Dealing with my own issues as they rise and beg to be healed is one way to begin the healing process. As women we have the opportunity, along with the Great Physician, to be repairers of that breach.

In my family, alcoholism has been a generational issue. By bringing it into the light, through awareness and monitoring my own behavior, I am better able to educate my children and grandchildren about the risk they face. Dealing with it head on, together we can break the cycle of alcoholism in my family.

In his 8 Stages of Psychosocial Development the psychologist Erik Erikson gives us a key to the castle. He states that as adults reach ages forty to sixty-five, we enter into the developmental stage called generativity where we must find a way to satisfy and support the next generation. If we do not choose to heal from our own issues and move forward, we will stagnate and die.

As a grandmother I have a bird's-eye view of these family dynamics, for I now reside in the tower, the highest and longest point in the castle. As the matriarch I am in a position to be a generative force which means I have the opportunity to originate, produce, or procreate life in my family.

Of course God knew this from the beginning for he exhorts us to forgive seventy times seven, to give rather to receive, and to go the extra mile. The good news is that he promises to draw near to those who draw near to him, and to love those who love and keep his commandments. As believers we must build our foundation on this rock.

So let us organize our repair kits and gather our tools. Working alongside the Great Restorer himself, we can heal the ancient ruins, rebuilding and repairing the wall of our families and the castles of this great country.

Marty Norman is a wife, mother, and grandmother of five, who lives in Fort Worth, Texas. You can learn more about her at:

www.martynorman.com

http://martynorman.blogspot.com

http://savvygrandmothers.blogspot.com

Her book, Generation G - Advice For Grandmothers Who Will Never Go Gray, can be purchased at local bookstores or www.amazon.com.

My friend, Patricia, is a fused-glass artist. Sitting on my desk is a small cross that she made from seventy-five pieces of glass. Some colors change when they are fired in the furnace, so each piece was individually chosen, hand-cut, and perfectly shaped. No mold is used and no two are exactly alike. The process and product is amazing--ordinary glass becomes a work of art.

Now if I took those same pieces of glass, I could formualte an absolute mess. However, from the hands of an artist, comes beauty.

God paints the sky, tints the ocean, colors the flowers, and creates beauty for us to enjoy every day. He also created each of us--individually and no two are alike. Within each of us are pieces of good and bad memories, events, and influences.

I'll be honest; I didn't want any of my "bad" pieces. I wanted to hide them away, throw them out, or pretend they didn't exist. Fortunately I can ask for forgiveness for the bad things I have done, but what about all the pain and suffering caused by others?

Remember those glass pieces which are one color before the furnace? The fire brings out new hues, depth, and beauty. God is the artist. He takes our messed up lives, mends our wounds, and with His unfailing love fires through the broken pieces and creates beauty.

No matter what we have experienced in the past, in God's hands we will always be a work of art.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..." (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV).

For more information about the author, please visit www.lisabuffaloe.com