• Pray

"Father in heaven, you are sovereign over my pain and I trust you. Thank you for cleansing my heart. Amen"

• Pray a Scripture

The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusted in Him and I am helped. Therefore, my heart greatly rejoices,  and with my song, I will praise Him. (Psalm 28:7 NKJV)

• Speak the Word of God aloud

"Those who revere You will be glad when they see me, because I have hoped in Your word. I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are right, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort. According to Your servant. Let Your tender mercies come to me, that I may live. For Your law is my delight." (Psalm 119:74 NKJV)

"...when the enemy comes in like a flood, The Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against him." (Isaiah 59:19 NKJV) I love this Scripture. If the enemy attempts to defeat us with painful memories, it tells us that God has our backs--and our hearts!

How about you? How do you respond to painful memories? Has it occurred to you that God has your back and your heart? He wants to take the very things that cause us to feel powerless and empower us with His strength.

Instead, I was humbled by the transparency of a very human, Christian man. He wore jeans, flirted with his wife (which I thought was adorable), shared about his walk with God, and openly confessed that after a long period of sobriety, bought the lie that he could have one drink. It took less than twenty-four hours for him to be reminded that he cannot. So he repented and humbly started over. And isn't that what we're supposed to do?

I can't tell you how many times I sat in church alone after one of my husband's relapses and wished that just once someone would speak to that reality. Church pews are  full of families who long for validation and direction on not just the topic of addiction, but what to do when your loved one relapses. Today, Michael is clean and sober, but just like Josh and Katie Hamilton, we both know the importance of maintaining accountability and an intimate relationship with God.

I like Josh. I prayed for his family on the way home from church that day. Who knows, maybe I'll check out a Ranger game this year.

How about you? Are you accountable to someone? Are you spending time alone with God? If you're wondering what I mean when I say accountable, go back to select a category and click on Setting Boundaries.

Ask God today, "Have I been neglecting something or someone?" If you are the one being neglected, talk to God about how you're feeling. He created you and will bring you comfort. And it's okay to pray for someone to have conviction over their neglect, as long as you're asking in love and not from a place of anger or judgement. If you're feeling angry and judgemental, tell Him, and allow Him to minister to you. We cannot overcome what we deny.

"The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit." (Psalm 34:18 NKJV)

For many years I neglected myself. As God began to heal my past, I became more aware of my needs and more willing to take better care of myself. In the beginning, it began with pouring myself a glass of water when I was thirsty or taking a bathroom break when I first felt the urge to go, instead of making myself finish chores before going. If you are a survivor, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

For some, today is about watering yourself. For others, it's about watering plants, pets, and people. If neglecting a plant grieves God, how much more does it grieve Him to see the broken-hearted neglected? 

"They dress the wounds of my people as though they were not serious. "Peace, peace!" they say, when there is no peace.(Jeremiah 6:14 NIV)

God takes our wounds seriously.

We often project the character of who caused our wounds, onto the character of God.You may have been taught that we most commonly do this with how we experienced our parents, but it's bigger than that. The love of God is multifaceted. He is the perfect parent, friend, authority figure, etc. Regardless of where our wounds originate, if left unconfessed--and therfore  unhealed, they skew our perception of the nature of God. If you've been hurt in church or by a Christian in a leadership position, it complicates things even more.

Often times we don't realize that we project these experiences onto God, even as we seek Him. When this happens, our Christian walk begins to orbit around an unhealed wound and a skewed concept of the character of God developes. That's why many Christians believe that on some level they must earn God's love or get their lives in order before they can experience His presence.

Until we confess our unbelief in those areas, as we look to Christ, we will not see His blood and the authentic work it did on the cross. We will only see the blood of our own wounds, which has no power; rendering us with undressed, unhealed wounds, and terribly ineffective in the realm of discipleship to a world who projects its "Christian" wounds onto Christianity--a vicious cycle. I once did that myself.

I was hurt by a pastor when I was thirteen-years-old and it took me over twenty years to confess that wound to Christ. As Christians, how we treat people matters. Of course we make mistakes, but without confession, without the maturity required to discern the loving conviction of a Father who longs to forgive our sins, redeem us (and the people we've hurt), we are in danger of exhibiting a dim reflection of the love of God.

We cannot give what we have not fully received. If you're mad at God, tell Him. He's big and He can take it. If you've been betrayed by a loved one, tell Him. If you're afraid that He won't be there for you on an issue you're convinced He has overlooked, tell Him. Tell Him. Tell Him. Come to Him with a transparent heart. He sees it anyway. He's waiting for our confession. When we confess to God, we invite His power into that which has rendered us powerless. The truth, the beautiful truth rises in our hearts like the eastern sun in the morning, and from that moment on we are no longer bound to the lie.

The lie that says we don't matter. We're on our own. We don't deserve another chance. We could never heal. We will never love "right" or be loved "right."

Try it, you'll see. "And you shall know the truth and the truth will set you free."

Okay, precious readers. I am serving this up over and over this year: read 1 Corinthians, chapter 13: What love is and what love isn't. That is the measuring stick for all Christians. If we will love that way, it will change our hearts, it will change our marriages, it will change our relationships, it will change the world. It will ready us for His return.

Read that first and then read John 8:31-32. "Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." (NKJV)

If you abide in the thirteenth chapter of 1 Corinthians, you are His disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth (about the nature of God), and it will set you free.

Several years ago, when my husband was my boyfriend, and still struggling to stay clean; a moment of clarity revealed how  much I had allowed my life to revolve around whether or not he was using drugs.

One afternoon he was lying on his side as we were talking, and I happened to notice a lighter hanging half-way out of his pocket. He had a sponsor in a twelve-step program at the time and when I asked if he had relapsed, he assured me that he was clean and that he hadn't worn that particular pair of jeans in a few months, and that the lighter must have already been there. Yeah right. 

"Wendy, I promise I haven't used any drugs. I'll make an appointment with my doctor for a drug screen and prove it to you." Ordinarily I would have agreed but unbeknownst to me, my heart was changing and God used that day to reveal a baby step to both of us. "You know what?, Take a test, don't take a test. I don't care. It would've been just like me to ask you to take it and then put my life on hold as I waited for the results. Can I be happy or not? I realize now that the peace I want can't come from getting to the bottom of whether or not you used. The fact that we're even having this conversation is what keeps me in turmoil."

Did I really mean what I said? I did the best I could to keep my eyes on God and my own business. It still took a few years before my baby steps matured into a belief that could stand firm. It's interesting that when I changed, a new path for our relationship was created.

The "management" of another person's recovery process is just one of the many ways we fuel the cycle of insanity. Today, my joy in the Lord does not hinge on my husband's sobriety. However, he and I both agree that the season of living day in and day out around addiction is over. Christ is the center, from which healthy boundaries are received. and to whom trust in the outcome is given.  

Will you prayerfully consider that your emotional attachment and efforts to manage another person's life is a hindrance to the healing process?Identify one or two practical ways to let go and detach with love.

Several years ago I had a habit of enabling my boyfriend (now  clean and sober husband's) drug addiction. I certainly couldn't see it at the time. I was just trying to "help": help him get off drugs and stay off drugs, help him keep his apartment clean, help him wake up on time so he wouldn't be late for work, help him become the man I needed him to be. 

And then one day his sponsor said to me, "Michael would find God a lot faster if you and his grandmother would get out of the way and let him hit rock bottom."

He was right.